Better together
by LitGG1982
Summary: Lit. Sequel to are we really over ?chapter 12 up. review please, it makes my day.
1. we´re getting married

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Gilmore girls, if I did, jess would still be in the show.

This is a sequel to my first story " are we really over" it´s a glimpse into the life of jess and Rory Mariano, well not yet. lol

the title is from Jack Johnson´s song " better together" don´t own it either ...

someone asked me why rory cheated on jess. well, as sad as it sounds, these things happen ...nearly forgot to remind you: english´s not my mother language, not even close.i always appreciate if you point out the mistakes . thanks.

Jess's POV:

Rory finally moved in with me, I didn´t want her to go through the rest of the pregnancy all by herself. Well, no I'm not that altruistic, I just want her around. I like being with her, no I love being with her I want her to be the one I come home to in the evening, I want her to be the one I cook dinner for, because of this incident with the stove and fire and finally even the fire department, I wouldn´t let her near the stove. Period. Not to mention that I burned one of her shoes when I wanted to make bread and I didn´t check beforehand if the stove might be occupied by something else than …. well, food. She hadn´t talked to me for three days.

Lorelai nearly dropped dead when she finally heard from our engagement. I mean it, literally, she cried, screamed and fainted. I'm still not so sure if it was because of the fact she was happy or maybe although she kinda liked me because of the fact that her daughter would become Mrs. Hoodlum.

**Flashback**

Rory and I were still in that tight embrace, we both wouldn´t let go of each other , it was final, decided, we were getting married. I held her tightly when I heard her whisper something into my neck.

"we should tell Mom and Luke." I tensed .

" why?" I asked sarcastically.

"why?" she pulled away from my arms and looked at me questionably . I just shrugged, knowing I was being stupid.

" we need to tell her, so she wouldn´t hang up the phone when I'd answer it with Rory Mariano." I sighed.

" when?" I asked, not really knowing if I meant when as in the wedding date or as in when we would tell them.

" when what?" apparently she didn´t know either.

I took a deep breath.

" when are we getting married?" once again she snuggled into my body and let me hold her.

"hmm" she said with her eyes closed.

" I like the sound of that." I closed my eyes as well, nodding slightly.

I led her over to the couch in the living room, pulling her down with me, bodies still close., really close, some might even say too close.

We both didn´t say a word, enjoying the comfortable silence around us. Suddenly she tensed up.

Something was bothering her, I could tell.

" jess?"

"hmm?" I replied, feeling the calm that surrounded us seconds ago fading.

" I didn´t want to push you. I don´t want you to feel obliged, just because I asked you to ma…" she trailed off.

No, not this again. I sighed , trying to control the emotions boiling inside of me.

" do you peg me as a person who would say yes and not mean it?" I asked slightly annoyed.

Now it was her turn to sigh.

" why do you always have to destroy those special moments, Rory.?" I was being rude, I knew it, but I was so fucking tired of this arguments. Doubts, hesitations and fear.

I continued.

" do you still doubt me, Rory? Do you still doubt me?" I was surprised at how soft my voice sounded nonetheless.

Suddenly, Rory yelped.

" oh god, Jess. Jess!" she exclaimed alerted.

"what?" I asked, suddenly afraid.

" the baby .. It … " she couldn't continue. Now I was really afraid. I could feel my stomach tighten, breathing suddenly became a problem.

" rory ! God, What is it?" I nearly yelled when she grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach.

My face must have softened the minute I could feel the little movements, because she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said.

" he seems to be getting tired of this as well." she smiled, a real smile.

I looked at her in astonishment. I felt my lips forming a smirk.

" he?" I asked, remembering the conversation we had had a couple of weeks ago.

She caught on.

" I just have the feeling that it´s gonna be a boy." she replied the same way I had back then.

I pulled her close to me, her face lying on my chest.

" I can hear your heartbeat." she told me in a low voice.

" it´s pacing really fast, jess." she looked up at me, her chin resting now on my sternum.

Suddenly realization kicked in as we said at the same time.

" we're getting married"

" í do not doubt you Jess, never really have." I sighed as she continued.

" we're gonna be a real family and it does feel damn right."

I just looked at her stomach. Suddenly everything seemed so real. The baby had just kicked for the first time and I was scared shitless.

**Flashback end**

After work I couldn't get home fast enough. When I was standing in front of our apartment door, searching my pockets for the keys , I could hear Rory's voice coming from our apartment. I unlocked the door without a sound and as I stepped into the apartment I saw her curled up on the couch, a blanket covering her body. The phone was plastered to her ear.

" yes, mom, he's taking good care of me."

" I am." she listened intensely to the voice on the other end.

I cursed under my breath as I stumbled over her purse lying on the floor.

She looked up to me and at once her face lit up.

" hey, mom? Jess is home, I gotta go." apparently Lorelai didn´t want her to go because I still could hear her voice over the phone, I couldn't make out the words though.

Rory laughed and hung up the phone. She got up from the couch, pretty ungracefully might I add and came over to me. She was still giggling when she said.

" she wanted to know if you were one of those guys who need undivided attention, because I told her I had to go the minute you got in." I pretended to frown, but as soon as her lips caught mine I gave in. I pulled away after a couple of minutes and whispered in her ear .

" you want me to show you what kind of a guy I am ?" I asked suggestively. Her smile widened as she led me back to the couch.

" as soon as those hormones are out of my blood stream, I won´t be as easy." she said with a stern face. I just shrugged .

" we'll see, Rory. We'll see."

sooooo? what do you think? there is still gonna be drama, trust me. review. and yeah, you might think this whole argument is getting redundant but i think, some things have to bediskussed before starting a family and yes, jess might be a little too emotional and stuff, but he´s still his old self, i´m trying to write him less sappy in the next chapters ...

Tell me if you want drama or should i make this pure fluff? i tend to do a little drama, maybe even some huge stuff .. let me know, please.


	2. i need you to stay near my head

Still don´t own them.

I wasn't really satisfied with my first chapter, I hope this is gonna be better.

Thanks for your reviews.

Rory's POV

I woke up with a start. I could hear Jess's regular breathing next to me. It had a calming effect on mine which seemed to be pretty much insufficient because I started feeling dizzy. Lack of oxygen I told myself. It happens. I didn´t know if I should wake him up, maybe I was just being paranoid. I shifted in my position, suddenly being extremely afraid. My hand traced down my body, resting on the sheet between my legs. I paused. It was wet. I closed my eyes, trying not to freak out. I slowly switched the light on, looking at my finger tips. The liquid was clear. I let out a deep breath. It wasn't blood. That had to be a good sign, right? The light made Jess stir next to me.

I stayed in my position, afraid to move. I turned my head , trying to keep all my other body parts the way they were.

" Jess?" I whispered, my voice barely audible. Nothing.

"Jess?" I said again, a little louder this time. I started panicking, a sob escaped my mouth.

" Jess?" louder again. He moaned next to me, slightly protesting.

"hmm?" he answered finally, his voice heavy with sleep.

" something's wrong, Jess." this woke him up. He sat up looking at my now tear strained face.

" what do you mean? what's wrong?" he asked panicked.

I swallowed, not able to form the words. Jess switched his lamp on as well.

" god, Rory, what is it? You're scaring me here." I still wouldn´t move.

" my water just broke." I whispered

"I think" I added, almost unsure now.

Jess let out a breath.

" Rory, that doesn't mean something's wrong, does it ?" he sighed in relief.

My voice trembled as I said.

" jess, my water broke… early. I haven't even had one contraction yet. It´s too early." I couldn't hold back the tears that were about to come.

Jess got up from the bed with a jerk, grabbing the phone that was lying on his nightstand.

I could here him push three buttons.

" this is Jess Mariano. I need an ambulance. My girlfriend's pregnant and her water just broke."

He listened to the person on the other end.

" I know, Damnit. But she hasn't had a contraction yet" he voice was uncharacteristically high pitched.

" you got the address ? Yes. Thank you." he hung up the phone and came over to me.

He leaned down to me and whispered in my ear.

" everything's gonna be alright, baby. They say it happens in thirty percents of the pregnancies , you just have to stay like this, they are sending an ambulance, you just mustn't stand up. It´s a precaution thing, no biggie." I could tell that he was extremely nervous, although he tried to cover it.

He hugged me close to his body without lifting me up and told me over and over again that everything would be alright. I couldn't think, I couldn't breath I just stayed like this feeling the wet spot between my legs getting bigger. I shivered.

" are you cold?" I shook my head.

" no, just afraid. Just afraid. What if he's not gonna make it ?" jess closed his eyes, as if he was avoiding mine.

" it would be a lie if I told you I wasn't afraid. But I know everything's gonna be okay, I know it."

" how do you know it, jess. How?" he couldn't answer my question because the doorbell disturbed his thoughts. He got up and opened the door to let the paramedics in.

I heard voices, one of them belonging to Jess.

" yeah, she's in there. On the bed. She's 39 weeks along. No, her gynaecologist told us everything's alright. Nothing out of the ordinary." despite the fear that was growing inside of me I had to smile slightly. I didn´t lie to my mom when I told her he was taking good care of me.

The paramedics entered the room, a man and a woman. Immediately I calmed down. They didn´t run around frantically, they didn´t yell and shout words I wouldn´t understand.

The woman approached me.

" Miss Gilmore, how are you feeling?" she asked while grabbing my wrist to check my pulse.

" afraid, excited.. Should I go on?" I tried to smile at the woman in front of me.

" yeah, I can tell, your heart is speeding really fast, but " she continued as she saw my eyes widen.

" that's not a bad thing, you're just nervous." she squeezed my hand reassuringly.

They lifted me on the stretcher ( is that the word? the dictionary said it was ) as I saw Jess grab the little bag by the door which I had packed a few days ago. Suddenly a pain shot through me, I yelped in pain. The male paramedic looked at me sympathetically.

" seems like that was your first contraction. That's good." that's good.? I swear if I had been able to smack him, I would have. When was the last time he had a baby ? Then it hit me.

" I'm having the baby. Oh my god. I'm having the baby." I grabbed Jess's hand and squeezed it tightly. He looked at me with a pained expression on his face but wouldn´t say a word. Words were indeed a very dangerous thing right now.

Jess rode with me in the ambulance. When we finally arrived in the hospital, he excused himself for a minute to give mom and Luke a call. I still wasn't allowed to get up, and I was getting tired of it. I was tense and bitched around. I knew I was being unfair to Jess, because he was so great about everything, but I couldn't help it. I was in pain Damnit . Jess was everywhere. He went to the vending machine, was standing by my side when I was suffering through my next contraction and got me ice chips whenever I felt like I needed them. Once again I sent Jess out to get me a mars bar, when I heard a voice outside.

" Lorelai Leigh Gilmore ? Where is she?"

" right there. Next door to your right." I heard the nurse tell her. Ah the nurse was really starting to get on my nerves. She was always like " ah honey, keep it up, you're doing great." I do not need to be called honey by a stranger. Jess wouldn´t even call me that.

The door burst open, revealing a very flustered Lorelai Gilmore.

She rushed to my side and welcomed me in a tight embrace.

" ah, my baby is having a baby" she exclaimed while still not letting go of me and I didn´t want her too, I wanted to stay in her arms forever. Here I was to become a mom myself and I couldn't let go of mine. She pulled away reluctantly and looked around the room.

" where's Jess?"

" getting me some chocolate", I mumbled, feeling the next contraction was about to come.

" ah, yes, you are my daughter. I was eating a fat turkey sandwich a couple of hours before I had you. We Gilmore are never in too much pain to not be not able to eat." she smiled at me, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.

" why are you crying ? I am the one who has to push out something as big as Europe out of my " I got cut off by a very scared looking Jess.

" Jeez, please don´t finish that sentence. I'm begging you here." he had his hands over his ears.

Mom looked at me and laughed

" well, that was kinda funny."

Mom left the room to give Jess and me some privacy.

I was getting more afraid as the minutes passed on. I didn´t know if I was afraid of the birth or of what would come after that.

A little while after Mom had left the room, Jess was sitting next to me reading "Pride and Prejudice" to me, only being interrupted by my contractions that came more frequently now, when the same annoying nurse came in and announced that I was ready. I was pushed into the delivery room and received finally the medication that I had longed for for quite some time now.

" ah, that hurts. I need drugs, god where are the drugs." I yelled all over again while my uterus cramped up again. Jess was standing next to me, feeling totally out of place while he was stroking my hand softly.

" oh, god, I wish I could do anything to help, Ror. Is there anything you want me to do?" he sounded helpless.

" yeah, I want you to shut up." I didn´t know I was all of a sudden yelling at him.

"ok." he said calmly not letting go off my hand.

" and yes, I need you to stay near my head. Don´t you dare try to take a look!" I squeezed his hand while trying to calm my breathing.

"okay, Rory, one last push and you're through with it." the midwife told me.

Jess leaned down and pressed a lip on my forehead .

" you can do it, Ror. I'm right here. I'm here."

The tears that started to fall mixed with the sweat and the sweet feeling of his lips on my forehead.

I grabbed his face and pulled him close.

" I want you to know that despite everything I might have said in the last couple of hours, I love you, Jess. You're the best thing that could have happened to me and I'm so sorry for everything." Jess cut me off. He pressed his lips on mine and whispered into this soft kiss.

" I love you, no matter what."

After one final push , the sound of a crying baby filled the room.

The midwife wrapped the tiny little human being in a blanket and put it on my chest. This time it was Jess who cut off the circulation of my hand when he grabbed it.

" congratulations on your baby boy. He's beautiful. Have you already picked a name?"

Jess smiled at me through tired eyes then looked down at our son.

" yeah, we have." he told the midwife but decided not to reveal the secret.

I had a boy, I still couldn't get it. We had a son. I should be happy but why did it suddenly feel so wrong that Jess seemed to be more excited than I was? Why did I suddenly have the feeling as if this small kid, with his bright blues eyes and his already thick brown hair didn´t belong to me. At . All ?

So? What do you think? I enjoyed writing this chapter, but tell me what you think, please. REVIEW!and yes, i´m still unsure of the name, suggestions please.


	3. welcome home Rory and Tate

Don´t own them, sadly.

Thanks for your reviews. It means a lot to me.

Jess's POV

Something was wrong with Rory. I could tell by the way her eyes always seemed to be clouded. She wouldn´t look at me and I could do anything to catch her attention, it just wouldn´t work. They kept her in the hospital for a few days due to the fact that she didn´t seem to recover well from the birth. She would always claim that she was all right and that I shouldn't worry, but I did. I scanned her body as we were standing in front of our apartment door while she kept looking in her purse for the keys.

She had lost weight, more than she was supposed to. The week in the hospital hadn't done her any good but the doctors would only say that it was a normal thing, that due to the changes of hormones in her blood she had lost her appetite, but I knew that it wasn't only the hormones that made her eyes teary and her body tense. She wouldn´t allow me to touch her, even if it was only her hand. She would always withdraw her hand from mine as soon as I tried to grab it. She tried to cover it by occupying her hands, always having something in them, but the worst part was that it never would be our boy. She just wouldn´t touch him.

**Flashback**

The nurse took our son to clean him up a couple of minutes after he had been put on Rory's chest. I wanted to protest, I wanted him there with us, but Rory seemed fine with it. I think I even heard a relieved sigh escaping her mouth.

" He's gorgeous, Rory. He really is. Did you see him?" I asked her excited. She just looked at me with tired eyes, not responding.

" Hey, You need anything? You're thirsty?" she just shook her head no.

I had to smile then, not knowing that we were about to face a difficult time that would include a lot of tears, yelling, fighting … emotions in general.

I looked at her, maybe really realizing for the first time that she had just given birth. She had to be exhausted, worn out. I noticed how her arms were crossed over her chest, as if was telling me nonverbally to let her alone. She had a pained expression on her face, fighting back the tears that were about to come. She turned her head away from me, hiding her face in the pillow, never uncrossing her arms.

" You wanna sleep?" I asked cautiously, my voice soft.

No Response.

I nodded silently and made myself comfortable in the chair next to her bed, intending on staying right there.

" Jess?" her voice broke the silence and I shifted in my seat.

"Yeah?" I said, almost in a whisper.

" Could you…" she didn´t finish the sentence. I sat back giving her the time to think, listening to the clock on the wall. Tick… tick… tick….

Finally she continued.

" Could you leave me alone for a while, please? " there was something in the way she said that, that made me shiver.

"Huh." I felt helpless.

"Please?" She underlined her request.

I hesitated, not getting up.

" Please, just go, Mom needs to know that everything is alright." but I knew Lorelai was already informed and probably dying to get to see Rory.

" Is it?" I asked

" Is what?" she shot back, still not turning her head. Her voice suddenly sounded strange.

" Is everything alright?" I knew deep down it wasn't, but I wanted to hear it was nonetheless; I couldn't take any more drama.

" Yeah, I'm just tired."

" Okay" I was still unconvinced but I gave in to her request and got up.

" I'll tell the nurse to bring him in later, ok?" I said as I made my way around the bed to peck her on the forehead. She flinched, which made me flinch in return.

I think I heard her mumble a " whatever" under her breath as I left the room.

Outside a very furious Lorelai greeted me.

" They won´t let me in, Jess, is everything okay with her?" I shrugged and whispered

" I hope so." Lorelai eyed my strangely but apparently decided to let it go.

" So, how does it feel to be a daddy?" he asked, changing the subject.

" I didn´t even get to hold him, he was taken away, but before you ask, the doctor said he was healthy and …" she cut me off.

" Ten fingers, ten toes?" She tried to cheer me up. Despite the feeling that was boiling inside of me, I had to smirk.

" As far a I could tell, he was complete." I chuckled as I heard Lorealai´s mumbled

"Dirty!"

Suddenly Lorelai yelped.

" Oh my god, I am a grandma. I am an Emily." She placed a hand over her heart dramatically.

" You sure are." what was I supposed to tell her? That if she turned out to be like Emily there was no chance in hell she would get to see much of her grandson?

" I need coffee." she suddenly exclaimed as if coffee was a global cure for all diseases of the world, but made no sign of moving.

I sighed and looked around.

" I'll get it." I stated, relieved that I could get away from her.

When I returned she was talking to someone on her cell phone, ignoring the " no cell phones" sign that was hanging right above her head. I smiled. That's Lorelai for you.

I sat down next to her, two steaming cups of bad coffee in my hands. I put one cup down on the table next to me and rubbed my eyes with my thumb and my index finger not paying attention to what she was saying. When she finally ended her conversation, she leaned back in her chair, stretching her legs out. She took the coffee that was now cold enough to drink and inhaled its scent.

" That was Luke, in case you were wondering." She said out of nowhere.

"Huh?" she had interrupted my thoughts.

" He says hi and congratulations." I just nodded, still slightly confused by Rory's behaviour.

A nurse approached us and told us that we could go see him, if we wanted to.

" If we wanted to, what kind of question is that? Would you like to see your grandson? No, some other time, thanks. I'm sorry, why would we not want to see him, is she insane?" I interrupted Lorealai´s rant when we reached the door behind which my son was lying.

I stopped and took a deep breath. Lorelai looked at me, smiling and nervously brushing an imaginary strand of hair behind her ears.

" You ready?" she asked.

"No." I took a step back and sighed.

" Now, I'm ready." I said and pushed the door open.

The first thought that came to my mind when I entered the room was: kids, a lot of kids, babies, sucking their thumbs contently.

" They look all the same to you, don´t they?" I heard Lorelai whisper next to me as if she didn´t want to disturb the peaceful atmosphere. I looked around and when I spotted him my face instantly lit up.

" No." I said shortly and walked determined over to the crib next to the window.

The sign above the crib read: "Tate Oliver Mariano"

" Hey" I said softly as I leaned above the tiny boy.

" How are you doing? Your mom says hi, she's asleep, you've already worn her out." I smiled and took his tiny little hand in mine softly as if I was scared of breaking him.

" Please, Jess, you're blocking the way," a very impatient Lorelai whispered behind me.

I took a step back to let her take a look.

" Oh, he's beautiful." she exclaimed and then continued in a baby voice that made me sick,

" You are so beautiful, the girls will go crazy once you're a grown up. Lovesick girls will be camping in your yard." her voice broke. Then she looked at me.

" He got your hair." what the hell? Suddenly she clasped a hand over her mouth, realization of what she had said hitting her.

" I'm sorry, Jess. I should think before actually talk. I didn´t mean…" she trailed off.

"Huh." I mustered up a small smile. I didn´t want this to disturb the peaceful feeling inside of me, although it already had, kind of. I'm still the dad, I told myself. I took one last look at the little boy in front of me who was now my responsibility. He shifted a little in his bed, sighed and went back to seeping tight. Lorelai and I left the room and I made my way back to Rory.

As I opened the door to her room, I heard her snore almost soundlessly but my ears were experts when it came to her. I walked over to her and sat beside her taking her hand in mine and even although she was fast asleep she pulled it back. I sighed and drifted off to sleep myself.

**Flashback end**

I was getting impatient when Rory still hadn't found the right key.Tate started tomove in my arms and although he was light my arms started losing their feeling.

When she finally found the key and opened the door I let out a relieved sigh.

Rory entered the apartment and stopped to take in the familiar surroundings. She let out the breath I knew she had been holding and pushed open the door to the nursery we had finally fished last month.

The paint was light green and the furniture was all white. Rory had said jokingly that she didn´t want her son to suffer from depression. I started to wonder if it was really our son we should be worried about. Lorelai had decorated the room and above the little crib there was a huge banner.

Welcome home, Rory and Tate !

I couldn't have predicted what happened next. Rory turned around on her heels, ran out of the room into our bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her. I stood still for a minute deciding whether or not I should go after her. I placed Tatein his crib and made sure he was asleep and went to our bedroom. I opened the door silently and saw Rory lying face first on our bed, shaking with sobs. I closed the door again and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe Lorelai was right with her talking about coffee being the elixir of life. As I made a fresh pot I couldn't stop wondering that maybe, just maybe this was something a cup of coffee couldn't cure.

Well, what do you think ? Good ? Bad ? Review please! Thanks for taking the time to read. If you were wondering " Tate" means fast, good talker, I thought it would fit!


	4. how are you ?

Don´t own them.

Sorry, it took me so long to update, but life kinda kicked in.

Well anyhow, most reviewers asked me what was wrong with Rory, trust me, I'm gonna explain it all later, now enjoy. And Oh yeah, I got a serious question for you. I'm totally confused when to use lie, lying, lay, laying what ever. Care to fill me in? Sorry J

Rory's POV:

I was lying on my bed when I heard the apartment door open. I heard Jess's irregular breathing, he had started running again. Maybe -and the thought made me flinch- to get out of the apartment, to get away from me? He would always take Tate with him, pushing the stroller in front of him. Of course never on day light, but only after when the sun had already set and the New Yorker dark shadows would surround him, mainly on times when everybody else around us would start to get ready for a night out or lovers would be curled up together on the couch, watching a movie. But it never would be us. We wouldn´t be curled up on the couch and we definitely weren't lovers right now anyway.

He came over to me and I extended my arms to take Tate from him. I settled him in my lab and took his little fingers in mine. Just recently I started to get comfortable with the thought of being responsible for another person. At the beginning I would look at him and silently blame him for all the things that weren't going right. I would blame him for the fact that I wasn't taken as an individual anymore. People would greet me but they would look at the little kid in my arms and not at me. I would blame him for the fact that I didn´t feel good in my skin and that I would avoid full-length mirrors, never really recognizing the person staring back at me. But lately, I seem to have made some progress, I would start smiling whenever Tate would smile or make a funny face. I felt proud when I felt him on my chest while feeding him. It started to feel right. Tate shifted in my lab and opened his mouth and I knew that he was about to cry. Just one week ago I would have started crying as well, I had been totally exhausted and I had the feeling that I was.. What's the word? Yeah, I was feeling inadequate, insecure.

I unbuttoned my shirt and Tate eagerly grabbed my hand as I started to breast feed him. Jess sat next to me on the couch and was silent for the longest time. He leaned back, closed his eyes and sighed deeply. I knew we still weren't the same, the way before Tate's birth but we were getting somewhere. Yep, tears had been involved, as had yelling and maybe screaming, and in the back of my head I remembered even throwing something in Jess's direction, but I tried to push this particular memory out of my mind.

Jess let out a breath next to me and eyed Tate contently, then he looked up to me and locked his gaze with mine. I didn´t break the contact.

" How are you?" I had to smile when I heard him ask this. I tried to suppress the tears that were about to fall.

**Flashback**

I was sitting at the kitchen table, trying to read the newspaper when I heard Jess's footsteps coming closer. I was still on maternity leave, but Jess of course had to work. We were not the Trumps or anything but Jess had a decent salary being the main editor and all. While I was sitting there, I couldn't help but I started to wonder when things had gone wrong. I knew, I was acting weird but I didn´t have a clue how to stop it. I would cry all the time, not even noticing the tears running down my cheeks, only when Jess would point it out to me I would realize that my eyes always were puffy and red. I felt like I was numb when it came to self-reflection. I was feeling like a stranger trapped in my own body. My body tensed up when I felt jess coming closer and closer. I was relieved when he leaned over the crib next to me.

" How is he today?" he turned his head and asked me. I don´t know how it happened, I don´t know why; I just know it did.

Suddenly my stomach tightened, my knuckles turned white from holding my cup too tightly, the blood shot through my veins, sobs escaped my mouth, my tears left wet marks on the newspaper lying in front of me.

" Do you know when you asked me the last time how I had been?" I whispered, staring into my cup of coffee, as if I wanted to disappear in it. He wanted to reply but I wouldn´t let him. I stood up angrily.

" When was the last time you looked at me and thought about me, not him?" I didn´t bother to hide the tears that were now streaming freely down my cheeks.

" When was the last time you looked at me and you would see the woman you fell in love with?" Jess was staring at me, eyes wide open, mouth shut tightly. He knew me well enough to keep his mouth shut.

" Jess, I am Rory! I am not Roy and Tate; I am not Rory the mother. I am not Rory the …" I trailed of, having a problem to form the words.

" I'm just Rory. I'm an individual. I do not live vicariously through Tate, but I wish to have a life of my own. I wish I did, but I don´t have a life anymore." Jess stood still, arms hanging loosely at his sides. He dropped his head, sighing.

" Yes, I am a mother and I love my kid. Our kid. But I'm still …..Rory." My words were only above a whisper right now, barely audible, but I knew he heard me all too well.

Neither of us spoke for a long time. Tate was sleeping in his crib, only making few noises, which came from his sucking his thumb.

Suddenly, Jess's head jerked up, his eyes intensely locking with mine.

" Welcome home, Rory." I shivered at how soft his voice sounded. He should be angry, fed up. Maybe even disappointed, but all I saw was relief.

" What?" I asked, somehow I didn´t get this.

He came close to me and pulled me in an embrace.

" I thought you would never let it out. I was so afraid that all these emotions would boil up inside of you and you just wouldn´t let them out. I'm glad you did, Ror." He didn´t smile, when he pressed his lips on my forehead. This time I didn´t flinch.

I hugged him back, not wanting to let go. I had felt so lonely these last couple of weeks and now I knew Jess just didn´t want to push me. He wanted to give me time.

" I'm sorry I didn´t pay as much as attention to you as I should have. There are no excuses. I was being ignorant." I just tightened my grip on him, feeling instantly better that I was now in his arms. Safe.

He kissed the top of my head, when I heard him whisper.

" Maybe" he swallowed, " maybe, you should get help." He suggested. My first instinct was to pull back and tell him a piece of my mind. I didn´t need help, not professional anyway. I was strong and independent. But as I thought about his suggestion it came clear to me that I wasn't as strong as I had been before. Maybe I indeed needed help, after all I was now part responsible for Tate and as an afterthought I knew that Jess also deserved to have the old Rory back.

" The last couple of weeks I would have done anything to get a reaction out of you, any reaction. We were drifting apart and there was nothing I could do, well that's what i thought anyway. Maybe, i should have pushed you. I saw that you were suffering but I just didn´t know what to do." Jess stroked my hair as if I was a little girl and in this very moment i made up my mind. I wanted the old Rory back as well.

**Flashback end**

I could see the sincerity in his eyes when he asked me this simple question. I hated people with a passion who would always say " good" not elaborating it at all.

Last week I had my first appointment with the psychologist and the first thing he told me was not to answer it the same way. He would say to me that it would make people stop asking and meaning it. He then proceeded to tell me that I suffered from what he called " the baby blues". He wouldn´t go as far as calling it a depression, but that I needed to act on it if I wanted my life back. I should start letting people in again. That's what I was trying ever since.

" I'm good. I mean I start getting the feeling back, any feeling. I don´t feel empty anymore. I now look at me and recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. I feel…." I trailed of because Tate stopped sucking. Jess looked down at him and smiled.

" You're doing this good, Rory." he leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the forehead.

" I'm taking a shower, I'm sweaty and all…" he got up and went to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. As I looked at his retreating back, I sighed and got up to place Tate in his crib.

" Sleep tight, angel." I said as I made my way over to the bathroom.

I slowly entered the room, I could hear the shower running, jess was humming something, I couldn't make out the song, but I guess it was something from the Clash.

I looked in the mirror, as I slowly got undressed. When I was left in my underwear I took a deep breath and unclasped my bra. It fell on the ground and as I saw it there it made me wonder if I was doing the right thing. I pushed the doubts out of my mind and stripped my panties down. I pushed away the shower curtain and saw Jess's back facing me. I slowly got in, Jess had yet to notice me. I softly put my hands on his back, tracing his spine with my fingertips. Jess didn´t move, he just stayed still and placed his hands against the wall, supporting his body. I leaned forward and left butterfly kisses on his shoulder blade. I felt him shiver, his muscles tensed up. Finally he turned around, his eyes never leaving my face.

" Fancy meeting you here." he stated simply as he took my hands in his. I picked up the shampoo bottle and handed it to him.

" I could need help. You're offering?" I whispered.

He took the bottle out of my hands and poured some of the liquid on his palm.

" I'd love to help." he smiled and I knew he didn´t just mean the shampoo. This was beyond anything I've ever experienced as jess slowly started to wash my hair, trying not to get any of the shampoo into my eyes. He drove lazy circle on my scalp and a moan escaped my mouth.

" That good?" I could see him smirk although I had my eyes closed.

" Even better." I whispered as my hands were travelling down his well-defined body. As I reached his hipbones he pulled back slightly.

" You know, I haven't been very nice to you lately." I said suggestively.

" No, you haven't." his voice was hoarse and full of desire. My heart skipped a beat. I was still able to make him feel that way. I smiled.

" How will I ever make it up to you?" I asked in a sweet voice.

" You don´t have to make it up to me now, Ror. We still have the rest of our lives."

" But what if I wanted to?" the words came out in a whisper.

" Well, in that case, who am I to deny this to you?" I looked down at him and couldn't hide a smirk.

" Hmm, you really missed me, huh?" I giggled as I placed my hand just above his arousal.

" You have no idea!" with that I crashed my lips on his, not noticing the shampoo in my eyes.

And when we cried out at the same time, I was glad the water was still running, so it would keep our voices covered.

" I didn´t get to finish my rant before." I spoke up, my legs still intertwined with his.

" I feel alive again."

So what do you think, good ? Bad ? I hope you liked it. REVIEWS are the reason I get up in the morning, thank you!


	5. that´s my birthday

How many times do I have to tell you? I don´t own them.

Well, I wanna thank you for your reviews guys, keep them coming; they make my day (days actually)

Jess's POV

" You know technically, he's still a Gilmore." Rory said, her voice only barely audible due to the crowd around us. We were on the subway on our way home from the Met. I actually hadn't had any intention to go in the first place, but I eventually gave in after being confronted with a very sad looking Rory.

" Huh?" was my answer. I didn´t know if I wanted to get into that on the subway. Yes, our relationship was better, even stable now, but still sometimes Rory would take everything I say the wrong way, resulting in a shouting match until one of us would give in and apologize, mainly her.

" I said that he was technically still a Gilmore." Rory said, louder this time. Some people around us started listening, I could tell. Well, I mean I would do the same thing if I was in their place.

" Technically yes." I stated cautiously, not elaborating my monosyllabic reply.

" Well?" Rory shifted in her seat to look at me. I felt her eyes on me, trying to get a reaction out of me. I intertwined my hands, positioning them in my lap. I sighed silently. I screwed up the first time when she had proposed to me and now I felt like I was doing it again. It wasn't supposed to be the woman to bring this up, right? I mean, I am the one wearing the pants in this relationship. My male pride had suffered a lot because of this. Who was I kidding? When it came to her, I wouldn´t let my male pride get involved. I wouldn´t screw up again.

" Well." I mumbled, turning around to look at her.

" How does October 8th sound to you?" I continued. You could practically see Rory trying to connect the dots in her head. Once she was finished, her face lit up, her lips forming a small, silent "oh"

" That's my birthday, Jess." I smirked.

" Really? I didn´t know that. Damnit I should remember stuff like that." My smirk started to get wider, the longer Rory looked at me in thought, in confusion and maybe even in pride.

" Sounds perfect to me." she exclaimed, making a couple of people turning their heads in anger.

" October 8th it is then." I whispered while getting closer to her. My face was only inches apart from hers; I could feel her breath, a mix of altoids and coffee. I leaned in further, brushing my nose against hers. I kept my eyes open so I could watch her. Her eyes in return were closed, her lips slightly parted, her cheeks flushed. She grabbed the back of my neck with such a force that I was surprised when her lips felt so soft against mine. The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes as well were tears streaming down her cheeks, but this time I knew they were happy tears and I caused them.

" God, guys, get a room," someone yelled from behind us, but we didn´t care. The old Rory would have jumped apart back then, but the new Rory just pulled me closer. She whispered something into my mouth, which I couldn't get.

" What?" I pulled back only a few inches, so she could repeat it. I brushed away a few tears off her cheek with my thumb and she looked down embarrassed.

I lifted her chin with my other hand and locked eyes with her. For a moment I was afraid of what she had to tell to me.

" I'm happy." she whispered in a low voice, her eyes light blue, mascara running down her face, the eye shadow she applied this morning gone. She had never been more beautiful to me; I like the new Rory.

We went back home from the station hand in hand, never breaking contact in fear it might all be dream. God, I had become sap.

As we reached the apartment, I told Rory to get into the car, I had to get our bags from upstairs.

When I returned, Rory was sitting on the driver's seat; I put the bags in the trunk and got in beside her.

" So? I take it, you'll be driving, huh?" I said as I fastened the seatbelt around me.

" You bet." was her reply and I knew instantly that she would be cursing herself later as soon as we would be stuck in the New York traffic.

" To Stars Hollow!" she sang off tune as she started the engine.

" To Stars Hollow, yeah." I sighed and she looked at me curiously.

" What? Come on, the town has grown on you." she smirked. I sighed again.

" God, Tate's gonna be so spoiled. I swear last time he spent a day with Lorelai he was acting weird for days." Rory laughed.

" Ah Jess, he's two months old, how could he be acting weird? And anyhow, you're talking about the great woman who gave birth to me and who raised me and look how I turned out." she flashed me with a smile that could have melt the north pole.

" That's what I'm worried about." she hit me lightly on the shoulder while turning around to focus on the street in front of her again.

" Hey, you love me!"

" I do, don´t I?" I sighed as Rory started to giggle.

" He looooves me. Uhu, you hear that? He looooves me." despite the fact that I was slightly annoyed I had to laugh as well.

" Now shut up and drive or I'm gonna make you pull over to switch seats."

When we crossed the " welcome to Stars Hollow- sign" I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. We had to tell them finally. We had to tell them that we set a wedding date while we had been somewhere between 5th and 8th on the subway. I wouldn´t be able to live that down.

We drove straight to the Gilmore house, because that's where Lorelai and Tate should be and somewhere in the back of my mind I was hoping that Luke would be there as well. I kinda missed him, although I would never admit it to anyone, not even Rory. He was indeed the only real father figure in my life. I went to see Jimmy for a couple of weeks when Rory and I had broken up after our senior year, but we didn´t click. At. All. He would always be tense around me, wouldn´t know what to say, and finally he told me that I had to go. I had bought the ticket back east the day before he asked me to leave.

When we reached the porch we could hear music coming from the house. Rory looked at me strangely.

" Classical music? What's wrong with her?" I just shrugged and pushed the door open.

" Honey, we're home!" I exclaimed sarcastically as we entered.

Lorelai came into the little hallway looking exhausted, a rag was thrown over her shoulder and we could see the marks our son left pretty clearly. It smelled like milk that had been expired weeks ago.

" You look good, Lorelai." I smirked as Rory hugged her mom.

" Jess, if I were you I would shut up. God, he's a piece of work. He's two months old, and he has already taken over the house ." Lorelai gave me one of her looks that meant, " say something and you die". I again shrugged my shoulders and went to the kitchen to look for Tate.

I could hear Lorelai´s and Rory's voices from the hallway.

" You ´re happy." Lorelai stated.

" I am happy." Rory's voice sounded strange.

" Did you do something dirty?"

" Nope, I'm happier." suddenly all hell broke loose. Lorelai suddenly started to scream, squeal actually and I heard her jump up and down.

" He proposed, didn´t he?" Rory took in a breath.

" Ahm, Mom? We're already engaged. You remember? I proposed to him? Before Tate was born?"

" Oh yeah. I remember." she continued and screamed in my direction.

" Way to go, bucko, let the girl do the proposing. Ah, theses kids nowadays." she sighed dramatically.

" Actually, we have some news" Rory appeared in the kitchen, dragging Lorelai behind her.

She looked around in the kitchen.

" Where's Luke?" she asked her mom.

" You wanna see something really cute. I mean not the Notebook-way of cute, but the Dirty Dancing- don´t put baby in the corner-kind of cute." I lost her when she mentioned something about a notebook. What the hell did she mean? Rory apparently got it.

" Oh I haven't seen the movie in ages:" she exclaimed. Hello, focus here.

" Which one? Dirty Dancing? You've had nightmares about Patrick's naked chest for days when you watched it for the first time." Lorelai chuckled. Rory's face fell.

" Yeah, you're right. I tried to erase that vision from my mind, thanks to you, it´s back!" she wrinkled her nose.

" I'm sorry, I don´t want to interrupt this nice mother- daughter thing going on here and I really don´t wanna know who Patrick is, but I was wondering… where the hell is Tate?" I looked at Lorelai accusingly.

" Oho, protective Dad is kicking in. I like it." Lorelai looked amused.

" I like it as well." Rory said and came over to me to give a passionate kiss on the lips.

Lorelai groaned and covered her eyes.

" Lord, get a room or something!" Rory chuckled.

" Where have I heard that before today?" Rory asked no one in particular.

That got Lorelai´s interest.

" Where?"

" Well, let's find Luke and I'll tell you." Lorelai looked at me.

" Why would she need to find Luke before telling me? That's your doing, Rory has told me everything before." she pointed an accusing finger at me, not really meaning it.

" Well, anyhow, I'll let it drop. For now anyway. Come on kids, you gotta see that!"

Lorelai led us to Rory's old bedroom and opened the door silently. The picture in front of me made my knees go week and I used Rory's shoulder for support. I only let me guard down for about a second but Rory caught me. She squeezed my hand tightly and smiled.

In front of us there was Luke lying on the bed on his back and Tate was curled up against him. One of Luke's arms was wrapped around Tate as if he wanted to protect him from all potential harm. My throat tightened and I felt like I was about to cry, but I wouldn´t do that. For maybe the first time in my life I felt like being part of a family, a real family, fights, tears and hurt feelings on the one side and happy family gatherings, love and safety on the other side. And for the first time in my life I didn´t want to fight this feeling. It felt … right. I felt Rory's other hand on my back and I took it and held it tightly.

Rory turned around to her mom who was watching dreamily the two " men" in front of her.

" Mom?" No response.

"Mom?" Rory whispered again, not wanting to wake up Tate and Luke.

"Yeah, hon?" Lorelai forced her gaze away from the sleeping bodies and focused on Rory.

Rory looked at me intensively and then back at her mom.

" We set a date, mom. October 8th." Lorelai was actually speechless, the odds where slim that it would happen ever again and if Rory was trying earlier not wake up the two guys, Lorelai took care of that when she started squealing in a high pitched voice and I swear it was a medical miracle that my eardrum stayed intact. Oh the joy of family.

So ? Like it, hate it ? I had fun writing this. Next chapter.: Jess goes ring shopping and some surprise visitors will come into the picture, stay tuned and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading.


	6. body and soul

Sorry for the delay, but I was really busy during winter break, I hope this chapter will make it up to you, thanks for the reviews and special thanks to nessquik13, your review actually made me write another chapter, since I has trouble continuing.

Still don´t own them….

Rating: T may go up though!

Short recap: Rory's had a child, which isn't Jess's, but he's still with her, raising the baby. At first they had trouble since rory was suffering from the " baby blues" but she finally got over it. Jess and Rory also set a date for their wedding, October 8th, Rory's birthday. In this chapter someone long forgotten is coming again in the picture, how will jess react?

Happy 2006 to you all, hope this year is better than the last …lol

Jess's POV: (again) tell me if I should write another's POV, maybe Lorelai´s? )

I was sitting at the kitchen table in Lorelai´s house, weird that I was still referring to it at lorelai´s house, since Luke had moved in quite some time ago.

We had been celebrating the good news all night and Rory, since she stopped breastfeeding Tate a week ago, had a little too much to drink. I had to smile when I thought about her, standing on the living room table, tipsy and proclaiming that she was the luckiest woman in the world. Hopefully she wouldn´t remember this particular action. I had to drag her to bed at about 4 o'clock in the morning, or she wouldn´t have gotten any sleep at all. And she, well we really needed that sleep, because Tate would wake us up at exactly 6 am, every morning, I have no idea, where he got that from since rory was always sleeping in late if she had the chance. This made me think about the other genes in Tate's body, those that weren't mine…

I rubbed my temples and tried to concentrate on my typing. I really was behind considering the fact that I still had to edit about a million articles.

Lorelai had dragged Rory out of bed this morning, insisting that the two of them hadn't gone shopping in a while, and since rory was getting married ( to you she would add with a fake accusing tone in her voice) they needed to start looking for the perfect dress.

After they had left I went shopping myself. Rory did the proposal part and now it was my duty and even pleasure to do the ring buying part.

The weirdest thing happened to me when I was entering the first jewellery store. I saw the perfect ring at once. It was a small silver wedding band with a small little ocean blue diamond attached to it.

I saw it and bought it instantly, I knew this was the right one, rory would love it. I wanted it to be special and so I decided to have it engraved. In picturesque old-fashioned letters " dodger" was clearly visible on the inside.

Tate was lying next to me in Rory's old crib and was fast asleep. I concentrated again on my editing when the doorbell rang. I sighed and got up, annoyed and at the same time relieved for the interruption. I made my way over to the door fast so that whoever was on the other side wouldn´t ring again and would wake up Tate.

When I opened the door, I was faced with a guy my age, maybe a couple of years older. Blonde hair and blue eyes. How I noticed that he had blue eyes? I had no idea. Something about that guy made me feel uncomfortable, was it the way he was dressed? Was it the way his eyes were staring right into mine, as if he was checking me out?

I finally found m voice and decided to be polite.

" Can I help you?" I asked simply. Maybe the guy was in business with Lorelai.

" Well, I'm looking for Rory Gilmore? A friend of hers told me to try it at her Mom's house." he suddenly looked around, avoiding my eyes. And for the first time I noticed that he was tense, maybe nervous? I looked at his hands and saw that he was gripping the coat he was holding a little bit too tightly. He spoke up again.

" This is Lorelai Gilmore's house, right? I mean, some guy I met in the street told me it was and…"

He started rambling; I hated people who rambled, except rory.

" Yeah, she's not home though. Rory and her went shopping." I stopped, waiting for the guy to tell me what the hell he wanted from rory.

"O ok. Tell her I stopped by?" he was turning around and I suddenly realized that I had no idea who that guy was, so I called after him.

" Hey! Who should I tell her stopped by?"

The man laughed slightly. I hated his laugh.

" Oh, of course, I was being impolite, I'm Steven." Steven? Where have I heard that name before? And suddenly it hit me

"_Look, Jess, Rory is sorry about what happened, she didn't mean to hurt you, really, it was just … she had too much to drink and Steven started hitting on her, I mean, she tried to stay out of it, but she is human after all, wow, I would not have thought she had told you yet_."

Steven!

**Flashback**

" Hey rory?" I asked her while she was running around in the kitchen, attempting to make dinner. Her stomach was still only barely visible, although she was five months along.

" Yeah?" she replied distracted.

" The guy…. I mean, you know, that guy you slept with, who is he?"

Abruptly rory stopped whatever she was doing and looked at me.

" No one."

" Excuse me? No one?" I replied sarcastically.

" Just the name, Ror." I continued.

She looked at me what seemed like an eternity. Finally she whispered,

" Steven, his name is Steven."

**Flashback end**

I didn´t know what possessed me in this moment but I heard myself ask if he wanted to wait for her inside.

I held the door open and Steven, what kind of a name is that anyhow, stepped in.

I shut the door slowly and motioned him to sit down in the living room. I then took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a second to collect myself and went after him.

" You want anything to drink?" I asked the man sitting on the couch. I had no idea why I was acting so politely but somehow I knew it was the right thing to do.

He looked up to me and nodded.

" I don´t know, something alcoholic sounds great actually." He was nervous, why the hell would that be? I just nodded and went to the kitchen to get a beer for him and a soda for me; I needed to be sober in this, although the thought of getting wasted didn´t sound too unappealing then.

When I got back Steven was still seated in the very same position, he hadn't moved at all.

I handed him the beer and sat down as well.

" By the way, I'm Jess." I looked up to him to see his reaction. Did he know about my existence?

Realization hit him as he made a face and took a deep breath.

" Should I run? Are there any weapons in the house that could be used to severely harm me? "

I just shrugged and decided not to answer.

He continued.

" Why aren't you beating me up?" He asked, and I was not so sure if he was serious or not.

I held up my soda can.

" That's why I need to stay sober." He relaxed a little, not completely but noticeably.

" Fair enough. Fair enough!"

After several minutes of really uncomfortable silence I excused myself.

" Sorry, but I have some work to do. I think they'll be here pretty soon."

I didn´t have to entertain him, I had nothing to do with him.

I sat back down at the kitchen table and tried to work, I couldn't concentrate though, and the only thing that was on my mind was. Why the hell did he choose that very moment to show up? Why the hell did he show up at all? Things were going well, no even better. I started to not think about his existence every day, I started to feel like a real father and I couldn't help but be scared of him. What did he want?

My thoughts were interrupted when rory and lorelai burst through the back door, both holding a couple of shopping bags.

" Coffee!" lorelai and rory yelled at the same time and then plopped on the chairs next to mine. Exhausted.

Rory leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips. When I wouldn´t respond, she pulled away and observed me. She wrinkled her nose.

" You ok? You look troubled." I forced myself to smile, it was fake and I knew rory could tell.

" You got a visitor, he's in the living room." she looked at me, confused.

" Who is it?" she asked still wondering why I was acting so weird.

" Steven." I simply told her as if it was obvious.

Her eyes shot open and she took in a deep breath. Lorelai choked on her coffee and started coughing.

I looked up to her to make sure she was okay, I really wouldn´t need it now if lorelai was dying on us.

Lorelai waved her hands symbolizing that she was doing fine, that she was indeed not dying.

Rory broke the silence.

" What does he want?" I just shrugged.

" You should ask him." I replied and pointed to the living room.

Rory searched for my eyes and when she found them, they were blank. I was back being a jerk.

As rory got up and made her way over to the living room, Tate started crying.

She turned around, but I stopped her.

" I'll take care of him. Go ask him." she just nodded sadly and left the kitchen.

I picked Tate up and rocked him softly in my arms. I could feel Lorelai´s eyes on me, burning holes in my body.

She finally couldn't take it anymore.

" You okay, Jess?" was I okay? I smirked to hide my feelings.

" Yeah, I will be." I was still looking at the computer screen.

Tate finally calmed down, he didn´t seem to need anything.

" Hey lorelai? Could you take Tate for a while? I'm going for a walk."

" Sure, kiddo. Take your time." I silently thanked her and handed Tate over to her.

I grabbed my coat, made sure that its pocket contained a pack of cigarettes and left through the back door.

The minute I was outside I took a cigarette and lit it. The smoke filled lungs and for once I liked this feeling. The first drag I took made me choke but after that I felt comforted by the familiar taste.

I hadn't smoked a lot lately, mainly not to annoy Rory and of course because of Tate, but that's what I needed right now. I walked down the driveway and before I knew it I was standing in front of the diner. I could see Luke standing behind the counter through the window. I took an altoid out of my coat pocket and went in. The bell above the diner door announced my arrival and I caught Luke's eyes. I sat down at the counter and asked Luke if I could have a cup of coffee.

" Shouldn't you be working?" Luke asked while he was pouring some coffee into my cup. I had to smirk. After all those years he still wanted to make sure I was doing my things.

I shrugged.

" I got interrupted." Luke nodded and let go.

After a while, I was still sitting at the counter, staring into my still filled cup of coffee that had to be cold by now.

Luke again appeared in front of me and I could hear him sigh.

" Okay, let's cut the crap. What's wrong?" Luke's voice was showing concern.

" What makes you think something's wrong? I just needed a break." I still wouldn´t look up.

" Jess, you come here, all by yourself may I add, you order coffee, which I know isn't your beverage of choice and then you wouldn´t even touch it. You stare off into space, and you ask me what makes me think something's wrong? Come on jess, I thought we were over that."

I decided that maybe it wouldn´t be so wrong to talk about it.

" Steven came by." I looked up and saw confusion written all over his face.

" Steven? Who's that?" I chuckled and took a sip of my coffee. It tasted disgusting.

" Jess? Now, you're freaking me out here."

" Steven is the guy who knocked up rory." I knew, that sounded harsh, and it was, but I couldn't care less at that moment.

" Oh." that was all Luke could muster up.

" Yeah, exactly. Oh."

" What.. I mean, how, well, what does he want?"

" I guess, I will find out later, Rory's talking to him right now."

"Ok then, I guess. You wanna talk about it?" Luke inquired.

I shook my head.

" Nah, not really. There's nothing to talk about, is there?"

" You tell me, Jess."

" I guess, it´s just weird, I mean, him showing up out of the blue, it makes it … it makes it all real." the last few words were only barely audible.

Luke nodded and looked at me intensively.

" You know, there's nothing to be scared of, right? It´s not that this is gonna change anything between you and rory." I chose not to reply, because I knew Luke was right. It´s not gonna change anything.

" Hey, I'm taking a walk, that's what I wanted to do in the first place." I got up from my seat and went to the door. As I reached it I looked around in the diner. It was pretty empty.

I turned around.

" Hey Luke?" my voice sounded strange somehow.

" Yeah?"

" Thanks." Luke adjusted his cap and shrugged.

" Anytime kid, anytime." I nodded and left the diner.

While I was walking to the bridge, I was wondering about the fact that Luke and Lorelai started referring to me as a kid whenever they tried to comfort me, and when I sat down on the old wood I had come to the conclusion that it was their way of showing they cared. I liked it.

I started playing with the jewellery boy in my pocket and drifted off with my thoughts.

After a while I heard footsteps coming closer, the sound changing when the feet hit the wood. I knew it was her. I could tell by the way she walked that she was unsure of what to do. She would stop every once in a while. Finally she reached me and sat down next to me, close only a couple of inches away.

" He's gone." she said, her voice sounded exhausted. When I wouldn´t answer she continued.

" He just wanted to make sure that I was doing okay. He saw the birth announcement in the paper and just… I don´t know, I just think he wanted to make sure I don´t blame him or something. He offered money, which of course I wouldn´t take, because it´s the parents who take care of that. And he's not the parent, you are. He's involved with someone and I guess he just wanted to make sure that I wouldn´t start.. I don´t know, they are pretty serious and they are talking about getting married and well, he just wanted this out of his way I guess. Jess, this doesn't mean anything to me, he doesn't. You know that, right?" I let her finish her rant. I was tired of her feeling guilty, we'd been through this already too my times.

I took her hand in mine.

" You know, I wanted to wait for the right moment and this seems to be it. After all we are sitting on the very bridge where we started being an us, and I think it´s about time that finally everyone knows, that you're taken. " I sighed.

" Taken for good." I added and took the ring out of my pocket. Her eyes went wide as she followed my eyes to my hand. I looked her in the eye, not blinking once; someone even might call that staring.

Her eyes started to tear up and her hands started shaking violently as I took her left ring finger and slipped the ring on it, slowly, delicately. She looked down at her finger, swallowing hard not believing what was happening.

" It´s beautiful, Jess. I … I …." I put a finger on her lips to silent her.

" No words necessary. You're mine, I'm yours, body and soul." I would really have lost my reputation if anyone had heard that, but I wanted to make sure that she knew that she meant the world to me.

She hugged me tightly, breathing heavily. I could feel her tears on my neck.

She repeated my words.

" You're mine, I'm yours, body and soul." I smiled at this and she added:

" Forever mine, dodger. You won´t get out of this."

So? What do you think? Long chapter, huh? Fluff, drama, some more fluff, they might be out of character, well but they are mine in this story …lol REVIEW please. Please. Didn´t get so many reviews for the last chapter, makes me wonder if you still read the story, thanks if you do.


	7. i said eight !

**Disclaimer: I don´t own them, all the characters you recognize belong to ASP et al.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I have received. You guys rock.**

RogueHoney, Kylie1403,music4mysoul, gottalovethegilmores, lexi (), chelsgg71091, xh4z3L3y3sx, nessquik13, PeteWentz-bassist4FOB-Hottie, dlsnotes, marialovesmilo-jess, E.DelaMer, collisionkiss, moon,gates,slaying--> i thought i would be nice mentioning all of you. thanks yo much, especially some of your reviews actually gave me back my muse. you are so the greatest and this chapter is dedicated to **_Music4mysoul, xh4z3L3y3sx, chelsgg71091, nessquik13_ you are my most loyal reviewers and i love you for that! thanks so much!  
**

**Today I made the worst mistake possible! Ah, I rented Batman begins. What a waste of money!**

**I have no idea why I am telling you this, well, anyhow:**

**This chapter will be from Rory's POV. If you have any suggestions concerning this story, I will be really thankful. I have a rough plot in mind, but email me if you have any ideas. Thank you and review. Now, on with the story:**

**Rory's POV:**

" Please, please please, jess!" I begged for the thousandth time. Jess shook his head no.

" Nope!"

" Pretty please with a cherry on top?" jess smirked.

" I don´t like cherries." he stated, the smirk developing into a full grin.

" Don´t be a party pooper!" I pouted and made big eyes, trying desperately to convince him.

We were sitting in some bar in New York City, celebrating our engagement once again. Jess had insisted on it without having the whole family around.

**Flashback**

We spent another hour on the bridge, sitting in comfortable silence, both of us lost in thoughts. We would muster up some words in between but other than that we just sat there, starring at our shoes and whenever the other wasn't looking we would observe each other. I took in his facial features, they seemed content, satisfied, at ease.

Suddenly Jess's head jerked up and he caught me staring. Smirking he leaned over and pressed his lips on my forehead.

" What are you thinking about?" He asked. I was stunned since it normally was me who would ask that very question.

" You." I simply stated without elaborating it at all.

" Huh. Could you be a little more vague?" I chuckled at his random response.

" Yes, I could. About life." He leaned back on his hands and rested his whole weight on his arms as his glance wandered about the lake.

" You wanna know what I was wondering about?" I knew he had some ulterior motive to ask that question. I contemplated if I should answer. Finally the curiosity won over the much-needed rationalism.

" What were you wondering about, my dear?" I replied in a mocking voice.

" Nice to know, my thoughts are appreciated." he closed his eyes and let himself fall on his back.

" I was wondering if we had been in a fight earlier." I had a funny feeling in my stomach and concentrated hard on the ring on my finger. He continued.

" Because I we had been in a fight I was wondering if it would include "make up sex" later on." I could hear him chuckle slightly as I took in a deep breath. What to say, what to say?

" Well, you already gave me the ring, so I thought we already had made up, so.." he interrupted me.

" Technically I gave you the ring that means I made up with you, now you owe me big time, my friend." somehow I didn´t know why I was so surprised by his forwardness, after all it was jess I was talking to. He never seemed to make a big deal out of sex. For him it came as natural as breathing, at least that's what he wanted everyone to believe. But he couldn't fool me, I still had this particular image burned into my visual brain. He nearly cried after we had had sex for the first time and if I tried to remember really hard I knew somewhere in the back of my head that he had whispered something about this having been his first real time as well.

" You need a hobby." I said and got up to get a head start. He was chasing after me and when he finally reached me he pulled me down with him and we landed hard on the ground, him hovering over me, trying very carefully not to crush me with his weight.

" Trapped." he whispered as he leaned down to capture my lips with his. Teenagers, that's what shot through my head at that very moment. We behaved like teenagers and sometimes it wasn't the worst thing to escape the daily routine.

**Flashback end**

" Come on jess, this could be fun." jess tool a sip of his beer and glared at me intensively.

" Tell me again why playing 20 question should be fun?" he asked somehow annoyed.

" Because. … " he again cut me off.

" Fine, what's you favourite colour? " I looked at him unbelievingly.

" We're getting married and that's all you can come up with? My favourite colour?" the fact that he of course already knew the answer was totally irrelevant at that moment.

He sighed and took another sip of his drink.

" Well, you wanted to play, so let's play and I asked the question, now it´s your turn to answer."

"Red." as if you didn´t know that I added silently and gave him a look.

" My turn to ask." he nodded and looked very uncomfortable.

It suddenly occurred to me what it was that I really wanted to know but how should I approach this very sensitive subject. Did I even wanna know?

" What was your impression when you first saw me in my room? You know the day we had had this lovely " welcome in Stars Hollow, jess- dinner"

" Hey, I remember the day we first met, no need to remind me. You really wanna know what I thought when I first saw you?" I nodded eagerly; we had never talked about that before.

" Well, but don´t say I didn´t warn you. I thought, nice body, maybe a little to goody -goody." I gasped and he continued:

" But then I saw all of your books and you ranted about Sookie´s dinner that I started thinking Stars Hollow might not be so bad after all. At least you weren't one of those girls who would starve themselves to death." I laughed a little, relieved by his answer, though not completely satisfied.

" My turn. Did I make you doubt your relationship with dean, when we were talking in that sleigh?"

Subconsciously Jess had directed the conversation in the right direction. Well, I didn´t even know what I had gotten myself into by suggesting playing 20 question.

" You made me doubt my relationship with dean the minute I first saw you. And I was completely lost after out " dodger" conversation." he raised his eyebrows, not reacting to my first confession.

" Dodger conversation?" there was no way in hell he could have forgotten that.

" Oh. You don´t remember?" suddenly I caught his eyes and the sparks in them. He was messing with me.

" Wow, for a minute you had me there. Don´t do that ever again." I stated accusingly.

" So the first time you saw me, huh? Is that how long you have wanted me?" his grin was getting wider and wider, finally covering his whole face. I felt my cheeks turning red. Why was I blushing?

" No need to blush, Ror. I knew we belonged together the minute I stepped into your room, well a second after my first thought." I decided to be brave, just this once.

" So, hmm, jess?"

" Was that your next question?"

" Ha, no, I really don´t know how to ask this, but well, you slept with seven girls, right?" I counted silently in my head. Five girls in NYC and then some girl in Stars Hollow and Shane.

Suddenly the world stopped moving in the bar as I heard Jess take in a deep breath. I waited for him to let it out, but it never came. Finally he spoke up.

" Man, Rory. Do we really have to get into that?" he turned around and signalised to the waiter that he wanted a new beer. I held up my glass as well to show that it needed to be refilled again, too.

We were silent for a while and waited for the waiter to return with our drinks.

" It was a silly question, forget it." I waved my hands in front of m face.

" Well, you asked it so, it must have bothered you." The waiter refilled my champagne and put a new bottle of beer on the table. Jess whispered something and I nearly didn´t get it.

" What?"

" I said, eight." I nodded and silently took in the answer.

" The game sucks." I stated and started to play with my glass.

" The night after you… after you left I went out and well, got really wasted for obvious reason someone might add and I just, I don´t know it happened."

" How does this just happen?" I asked my voice raising. Jess just stared at me surprised. I knew I had no right to be angry, no right at all, but it still hurt. God, what was I expecting? I blinked, the smoke in the room was getting to me.

" You tell me, Rory, how does it just happen?" this shut me up. Guiltily I avoided his eyes. He continued.

" I didn´t bring this up, Rory. It´s all your doing. You have no right to be angry with me right now. It´s not that I cheated on you or something." He closed his mouth abruptly, the meaning of his words finally sinking in, the hidden meaning hanging around us dangerously.

" I'm sorry I hurt you." He just shrugged and concentrated hard on the beer and the bowl of peanuts in front of him. He suddenly lifted his head, in fact so suddenly that I was expecting the worst. It never came.

" My turn, what was the first book you read?" he tried to lighten the mood and I was thankful for it. If I had been able to, I would have bitten myself in the butt. God, we were out here celebrating our engagement and I had to bring this up. What was wrong with me?

I looked up from my champagne and caught his eyes.

" We're good." he silently answered my question. We were both tired of having this fight all aver again.

" Hey, Ror? "

"Hmm"

" Let's just leave the past behind us, okay? Let's focus on the future, our future."

So, what do you think? I hope you liked it. I just wanted to get over with this conversation, it happens so often that people don´t talk about this kind of stuff and Rory and jess never really have, this means closure. Rory has hurt him so badly and it´s not easy to forget something like that but jess is willing to do so. nothing majorly happened in this chapter, but well.


	8. they hate me

**Disclaimer: I am tired of saying this, no I don´t own them.**

**Anyhow, thank you so much for your reviews, they made my day.**

**_girlie girl (): _**I am glad you like it, thank you for dropping a note.

**_Xh4z3L3y3sx_**: I feel so honoured that you like this, since I totally adore your stories.

**_collisionkiss_**: Hey, your review made me laugh, thank you and I love you for reviewing.

**_RogueHoney_**: you review, you're mentioned, that's how it works lol, I am not so sure myself if the last chapter had a hell of a meaning or not, I think it will come up again.  
**_Chelsgg71091_**: your reviews always make me smile, I like them a lot. I'm glad you think I capture Rory and jess in the right way. Keep reading!

**_Nessquik13_**:the idea just plopped into my head, it´s nice that you liked the concept. You are one of my most loyal reviewers and I want to thank you for that.

**_Kylie1403_**: thanks for your reviews; I wanted to make it realistic and it wouldn´t be realistic if the trust issue wouldn´t come up once a while. Thanks for reading.

**Music4mysoul:** thank you so much for your reviews, you are great.

**iluvmylowandbaseball : **thank you so much for dropping a line, i appreciate it very much, keep reading please. and what´s with your name ? i like but i really don´t get it lol...

Jess's POV:

I had one hell of a day at work, it seemed like people started playing a game called: who's gonna be able to piss Jess off the most. First of all my boss wouldn´t leave me alone: it was like: Mr. Mariano, do this, do that, don´t take a break we need this article, hey, why are you drinking a soda instead of working. I was on the verge of telling him to shut the fuck up but I really needed this job and despite my complaints I really liked this. Making a living of the one thing you like the most wasn't quite the most painful thing.

Anyhow, I was sitting at my desk, the words blurring together on my computer screen and I tried my best to concentrate. I rubbed my temples in order to get this damn headache to disappear. I was tired and the fact that Tate seemed to have decided to not let us sleep through one fucking night didn´t help either. Just as I was regaining some concentration again, my secretary, Karen, pushed the door to my office open. She had the best timing ever. When I wouldn´t look up at the sound she cleared her throat rather loudly. I forced my eyes away from the screen and silently asked her what she wanted.

" Jess?" We were, ever since she started working here, on first name basis, she was only a couple of years younger than me anyway. I let out a breath, sighing deeply.

" Whatever it is, no! " Karen chuckled slightly and I couldn't help but think that I liked her laugh.

She was very pretty, nice figure, curvy and she was wearing clothes that left nothing much to the imagination. Not exactly my taste, but I could understand why my co-workers had trouble getting their work done whenever she was around. She smiled at me, showing a perfect row of teeth.

" Don´t be so pessimistic, Jess. Anyhow, you seem tired and I was wondering if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee later." silence. Did she just ask me out? I was searching my brain for the last time someone asked me out. I think that maybeit had been rory when I had come back from California the time when she and I had been broken up. Sounded kinda pathetic, didn´t it?

**Flashback**

I was in the Stars Hollow bookstore, it was my first day back from the west coast and I was sitting against the wall, reading a book. I think it might have been " Oliver Twist". I was trying to convince myself that I had to go see her. I feared the encounter with her; after all, I had left, only leaving a note to her. _I'll be back, I promise. Just need to clear my head." _Now, that I thought about it, it was extremely arrogant of me to think that she would take me back. I was a screw up and I succeeded brilliantly to screw up the one thing that meant the world to. Our special bond.

I heard the bell above the door, announcing the arrival of another customer. Suddenly I felt cold and I had to shiver despite my thick coat and the gloves I had on my hands. The air in the little backroom stopped circulating and I started to feel dizzy. " Breath" I told myself, as the automatism of my bodily functions seemed to stop. In… out…. In…. out….in….. I shivered again and I realized that it didn´t have to do anything with being cold. _She _was here. I could feel it, as I always could predict when she was around. The hair of my arm stood up, and my heart was beating loudly. People must have noticed it.

I heard footsteps coming closer and I desperately wanted to disappear; I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't ready to face her and her accusations although she had any right to be mad at me. I had been an ass. Not only to her, but also to everyone that meant anything to me, including Luke.

She rounded the corner and all hope that maybe she wouldn´t see me vanished when I heard her take a surprised breath. I didn´t dare to look up but I knew that she deserved so much. She deserved yelling at me and I knew for sure that I deserved being yelled at with full force.

She took in the stack of books lying next to me on the floor. When I heard her voice, I was prepared for the worst. I deserved it. I finally looked up and I observed her face.

" Well, aren't we hooked on phonics?" what? Was this some weird mind game she was playing with me here? Were the hell was the yelling? I tried to control my breathing again as I said.

" Yeah, I read a lot, do you read?" Remembering the exact conversation we had the day we first met.

" Not anymore, it hurts too much." Her reply hit me deeply.

" Huh." I didn´t know how to reply to that. Would now be the perfect moment to apologize and to admit that I had been a total jerk?

" I haven't seen you around here, are you new in town? " Now I began to understand what she was doing. She was giving us a second chance. Why? I had no idea.

" I just moved back from the west coast, I spent there the last couple of months."

" Really? Interesting. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee or something I'd like to hear more of that? And I really need my caffeine fix, I'm addicted, my ex boyfriend always used to make fun of that." ex boyfriend?

" Sounds good, there is really a lot that I have to tell you."

**Flashback end**

We started dating again the very same day, we both felt like it would be worth it and as it turned out it had been. We both knew that we still had a lot of work ahead of us and that it would take some time to get over the separation and the meaning behind it, but that's what we both wanted, we wanted it to work.

The weird thing was though that things never seemed to be easy in our relationship, we fought a lot, at first about teenage stuff but as we grew older, the topics of our fights changed. We grew up together and not in this " we met when we were four and were best friends ever since" but we formed our personalities together, we matured together and the end of this path was still a long way down the road. We'd grow old together.

" Jess? You still here?" Karen's voice broke the spell I was under.

" Huh, yeah, but frankly I don´t know how to answer that question. Do you mean like on a… " She interrupted me.

" Like on a date? Yeah, I meant it like that." she was smiling at me

" Huh, maybe I should tell you that I am engaged and that I have a kid. I'm getting married in October. " Karen's expression became unreadable.

" Wow, I didn´t know that, why didn´t I know that? " I knew that she didn´t really want me to answer that question.

" Look, Jess, just forget it, ok? I don´t want things to be uncomfortable between us, just, let's just forget that I made a total fool of myself. Man, you can´t blame a girl for trying, right? And I just thought… ah, let's just forget that!" I silently nodded signalising her that it was okay and that things indeed wouldn´t be weird.

" I should get back to work. Papers, telephone, yeah I really should just get my job done. I get paid for that, right? Well anyhow, call me if you need anything." she was about to turn around when the office door war once again pushed open. The first thing I saw was two wheels, and then the stroller attached to those wheels. A second later an exhausted rory popped her head in, smiling and talking to Tate.

" Look, kiddo, this is where daddy works, nice office, huh? No, please, don´t start crying, please Tate, no." Tate grimaced but reconsidered his actions apparently when he put his thumb into his mouth and started sucking it contently.

" Hey Rory, what a surprise." I got out of my seat, approached her and gave her a peck on the lips, and then I leaned down to Tate and stroke his head. His blue eyes seemed to be staring right into mine and I couldn't help but enjoy the fuzzy feeling in my chest.

" Rory, I'd like you to meet Karen, my secretary." I introduced them as I put my hand on the small of her back. Rory extended her hand and greeted Karen.

" Karen, Jess has told me so much about you, nice finally meeting you." Karen shook her hand stiffly.

" Well, jess has not told me a thing about you, but it´s nice meeting you nonetheless. And congrats on your engagement." she added while examining Rory's ring. I looked at rory who gave me a questioningly glance.

Karen left the office shortly after and rory took my seat at the desk.

" What was that all about? She didn´t seem to be as nice as you always told me she was."

I took Tate out of his stroller and went over to where Rory was sitting.

I leaned down and gave her a long kiss on the lips, just as she was about to slip her tongue in, I broke it and whispered.

" Long story." I reconsidered and elaborated a bit.

" Now, not really a long story. She just asked me out and I declined. End of story."

" Okay." this was Rory's only reply but I knew the minute she'd tell Lorelai about it I wouldn´t be able to live it down.

" I missed you today." Rory mumbled as if she needed an excuse to see me. I smiled at this.

" Weird coincidence, I missed you too." and with that I closed the small distance between our lips once again, kissing her passionately, and at the same time trying not to crush Tate.

She was running her hands up my thigh and that was the moment when I had to pull back, so things wouldn´t get out of hand.

" As much as I really enjoy this, we shouldn't continue, I don´t know if I had the control to not take you right here if we went any further and having Tate in my arms and a secretary just outside the door…" Rory giggled.

" That would be quite a show, huh?"

" Rain check?" I asked, trying to get the image of Rory naked out of my head.

Rory pouted.

" I don´t know, I might not be in the mood later."

" Hey, lemme worry about how I get you in the mood again, okay? I have my ways." I wrinkled my brows suggestively.

" Now, that I gotta see." I knew that Rory tried really hard not to burst out laughing.

" Now, Mrs. Mariano to be, how about you let me get my work done. The sooner I am finished here the sooner I'll be home." I placed Tate in his stroller again as Rory started to gather her things.

" Hey jess, the reason why I came by in the first place is, that my grandparents want you to join dinner the next time. I haven't been at their place much lately and you haven't at all since last Christmas." she pointed an accusing finger at me.

" And here I thought you missed me." I pouted and continued.

" So they didn´t really believe you when you told them I had caught the bird flue, huh?"

Rory shook her head and placed one hand on my chest.

" I missed you but I also wanted to tell you in person about the verdict. They want you there, period."

" Man, I should have stayed with Shane, I didn´t even have to meet her parents."

Rory looked shocked for a minute but then saw my smirk and shot:

" That's because you didn´t love her." I held up my hands.

" I surrender, I try to play nice but I really can´t promise a damn thing rory, and they hate me."

" They don´t hate you, they just hold a great dislike towards you, hey they still don´t like the fact that Mom is dating Luke, so just don´t let them get to you." I glared at her.

" Nice way of encouraging me, Ror. But okay, I will go, but one word against our relationship and I'm gone. Are we clear?" Rory smiled and threw her arms around me, holding me tightly.

" Yes, we're clear. The minute they start insulting you, I'll grab Tate and we're out of there. I gotta stick up for you!"

Softly I pushed her out of the door and sank into my seat again. I looked at the clock on the wall, it said 2pm and it already felt like it had been the longest day ever. Oh the things that had yet to be done.

So what do you think? Good? Bad? I ´m not really satisfied with it, but I wanted to post it anyhow, I thought I would be nice to see some other people besides jess and rory and with the introduction of Karen and the dinner next week… well, I don´t think that Karen will make a reappearance, but I thought I would be nice to have jess interact with other people, anyhow: REVIEW PLEASE!

**And yes, I don´t take the bird flue thing lightly and the things that happened in Turkey are horrible, so don´t be mad at me for this, I just couldn't come up with something different.**


	9. it´s dinner time

**Thank you for all your reviews, seriously you are amazing, I would have never thought I'd get that much.**

**So, I got asked all over again why Rory cheated on jess. I try to explain.**

**I wanted to write a realistic story and in real life things like that happen, I don´t like it, since my one big priority in life is being loyal to the ones you love, but as sad as it is, it happens. Rory had had too much to drink (which is not an excuse, of course not. If you were sitting next to me right now you could actually see me glaring ) but some people just do things they shouldn't do while being under the influence of alcohol. I wanted to create a rory that is not flawless and perfect, and since I like jess more I wanted to make rory the one who cheats, well cheated.**

**Don´t get me wrong, I like rory as well, it´s just that sometimes she bugs me big time with this wanting to be perfect thingy. Anyhow, and since I think that Jess had matured a lot and that he finally figured out what he wanted in life… I made him want Rory, you can´t blame me, and you want them together too. I hate how things went with jess on the show and, please, the dean thing? Makes me wanna throw up endlessly. What were they thinking? (ASP and co that is) **

**I was actually contemplating not watching the show anymore. But the witty dialogues finally convinced me otherwise. Okay, rant over, it´s dinner time …lol Thanks for staying with me and I f you got any suggestions of where the story should go, please let me know. It gets harder and harder to keep writing this.**

Rory's POV:

"Mow mow mow mow " I groaned. Why did Mom convince me to buy that stupid alarm clock? I was lying still, not moving an inch of my body, I was too lazy to reach out and push the smooth button. Tate had slept through the whole night but I was still feeling as if a truck had hit me. Months of not sleeping properly could do that to me. I listened to the sounds around me. I could hear cars, sirens, my neighbour next door was apparently getting ready for the day as well. As I listened to him flushing the toilet, I swear I'm gonna make sure that our next apartment isn't gonna be wall to wall to the neighbour's bathroom. It bothers me to exactly know that guy's digestive habits. Suddenly the alarm clock went off again. As I tried to get my body to move, an arm reached over me all of a sudden grabbed the alarm clock and threw it against the wall. It landed on the floor with a loud thud and was instantly silent. I turned my head and smiled at Jess who was again on the verge to fall asleep again, or so I thought. I took in his messy hair that looked particularly messy this very morning. My eyes travelled down his face, his collarbones, the left one slightly more prominent than the other. (Jess had fractured it when he had tried to learn surfing in California). My gaze started wandering again. I finally rested my eyes on his bare chest, not a hair in sight and I had to smile thinking about how well my head fit onto that chest. Jess grunted which took me by surprise since I had thought that he had gone back to sleep.

" You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that.," his voice heavy with sleep and it might have even sounded a little bit annoyed.

" What do you mean?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

" The stupid alarm clock? God that damn thing was driving me crazy. Promise me that you never, and I mean it, never buy anything that Lorelai suggested again. " I smiled. He was definitely not a morning person.

I snuggled into his warm body and felt sleep coming again. I yawned but knew that I had to get up, it was Friday, not any Friday, it was THE Friday; the Friday jess feared the most. Dinner at my grandparents´.

I nudged Jess in the ribs, trying to get him up.

" Jess, we have to get up, Tate's gonna start crying any minute now, and you have to go to work."

Jess, still with his eyes closed pulled the blanket over both of our heads and snuggled deeply into the pillows taking me down with him.

" I don´t wanna go to work. Not like work. Work sucks. Friday sucks. Wanna stay in bed all day….with you," he added and I had to laugh at his childish behaviour.

" Okay, Jess, but only five more minutes, someone needs to be the mature one in this relationship." he nodded and kissed my forehead.

" Well, I am very delighted to tell you that I never claimed that position. Never!" I swatted his chest with my left hand but he caught my wrist and pulled it down, rolling me over so that I was trapped under him.

" So, what could we do in five minutes? " he smirked as he leaned down as if he was about to kiss me, but instead he bit my nose softly, pulled back and locked his eyes with mine. He lowered his head again, this time claiming my earlobe with his teeth. I chuckled and moved slightly under him.

" jeeeheeesss" I whined, and at this very moment all down- to earth-thoughts were forgotten.

" I am a tease, aren't I?" jess whispered in my ear. He was driving me crazy.

Tate took this as his sign to make his existence known. He started crying with all force, and thought I might have heard my neighbour complaining about it.

Jess groaned and released me from his tight grasp. He rolled over and lay lifelessly on his back for a moment.

" I hate this day already and it hasn't even started yet." He cried while facing the ceiling.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" You ring." lorelai whined as we were standing outside the Gilmore mansion, glaring at jess.

" I will not ring that bell, Lucifer is awaiting us on the other side." jess stated.

It was weird watching Mom and Jess get along so well. Maybe it was the fear they shared.

I had taken Jess hours to get ready; he had complained about having to wear a tie and then had struggled to put it on properly. He had been cursing all the way to Hartford, he really didn´t wanna be here.

I sighed and stepped forward, ringing the doorbell.

" Are you insane?" both of them shouted at me at the same time, glaring at me as if I was the most evil person on the earth.

Mom shook her head, whispering all over again:" don´t be home, don´t be home, please don´t let them be home, please, do…" she was interrupted by the opening door.

" God, where can I find a decent maid nowadays, I swear they have no education at all."

" Rats!" lorelai exclaimed, her head dropping.

" What is it now, Lorelai? You forgot something in the car? Maybe your manners? That's not the right way to greet to mother."

" Hi mom, it is so nice to see you again." lorelai forced a full smile, showing her teeth.

" Have I passed the test now? Can we go in? Tate is getting heavy on my arm, I know I seem to be a very strong woman, but man, what are you feeding him." lorelai ranted, looking at me and Jess.

Grandma stepped aside, letting us in.

" Of course, come in, come in, dinner is almost ready!"

I could hear Mom whispering a " almost? I'm starving" into Jess's ear.

" Grandma, it´s so nice to see you again." I greeted her properly as I hugged her.

" Yes, indeed, it has been ages that we all had dinner together." I couldn't miss the accusing tone in her voice.

Grandma's eyes instantly lit up when she saw Tate. She took him from Mom and Mom dramatically wiped her forehead.

" Hey Tate, so nice to see you again too. You are big." I wrinkled my nose. Tate was not big, he was well fed, as Jess would have put it, hadn't he been hiding behind me. I watched Grandma talking to Tate and I was relieved. She didn´t exactly take the news of my pregnancy very well, especially since Jess was involved.

Suddenly Grandma stood still, and lifted her head the way she would always do when she was disapproving something. I could feel Jess stiffen behind me, he knew what this meant.

" Rory? Where is that boyfriend of yours? He hasn't bailed, has he?" Jess took in a deep breath behind me and stepped forward.

" No, I have not bailed I just wanted to wait for you to finish your greetings with rory and lorelai."

Emily wrinkled her nose.

" Well, we have finished that, hours ago. Has no one told you that it was impolite not to greet the host?" Jess swallowed down his pride and glanced at me then he turned once again to Emily, looking her straight in the eye.

" Mrs. Gilmore thanks for the invite."

" Well, let's have some drinks, shall we? " Emily turned around, ignoring Jess's outstretched hand.

I was furious as I sat down on the sofa, but jess who had been nothing but polite till then just patted my knee and calmed me down silently.

" What would you like to drink? Rory? Lorelai?…..Jess?" Jess, I thought bitterly, she dares to call him jess and he still directs a " Mrs. Gilmore" to her.

" Martini, olive please and keep them coming. "

" A soda for me please, I'm the designated driver." jess told her politely as if he tried to lighten up the mood. Emily just nodded and swallowed down the words that I bet were about to leave her mouth.

" I'll have a white wine." she looked at me curiously.

" Alcohol? But aren't you still breastfeeding him?" I just shook my head, not wanting to be polite to her.

After we received our drinks an uncomfortable silence settled over the place.

I saw Mom wreck her head to come up with something to say.

" Ha!" she exclaimed, apparently succeeding at the task.

" Where's Dad?" she looked around, picking up a pillow as if she wanted to make sure he was not hiding under it.

" Lorelai, what are you doing? And your Dad will be joining us any minute now."

"Hopefully" she added, but I think I was the only one who caught it.

So we were sitting there and were doing the one thing people would do in this very comfortable atmosphere. We all concentrated on Tate who was lying on the carpet, enjoying the attention.

Finally, what seemed to have lasted hours, Grandpa appeared in the room, apologizing for being late.

" I was held up by a client. Apparently he didn´t get the fact that we would not take any responsibility if he came back from Peking having caught the SARS." he stopped when he saw us sitting there in silence. He walked over to Tate and stroked his head slightly, then picked him up and carried him around.

" Well, isn't he a big boy?" he chuckled as he put him back on the ground.

He then proceeded to greet us, first Mom, then Jess and then me. I observed it expectantly, being ready to blow off this whole evening if grandpa would even blink while greeting Jess.

To my surprise he approached him, extended his hand and slapped Jess's back with his free one.

" Oh, how nice of you to join us, Jess. Emily didn´t tell me that." he glared accusingly at her but let it go.

Jess shot me a glance. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

" Dinner is served, Madam.," the maid pronounced and we moved the little feast to the dining room.

While passing my Mom she whispered in my ear.

" He is high. I knew it, I always thought that his cigars looked a bit strange and smelled strange by the way."

We settled down at the table, Jess next to me and my mom in front.

" Ah good, I am starved. Dig in." Grandpa exclaimed and loaded up his plate.

" So, grandpa. How is the business?" I was determined to find out why he was acting so nicely. And I thought that small talk would be a good start.

" Oh, it´s going very well, we took over another company, not a big one, but a company nonetheless." Emily beamed.

" Rumours are that Richard's business is the most successful at the east coast, isn't that great?"

" Sure is." Mom mumbled, her mouth full of food.

" Lorelai, I don´t want to see the contents of your mouth, please swallow first."

Mom rolled her eyes and continued eating.

" The food is great, Mrs. Gilmore." apparently Jess thought that he should do small talk as well.

" Thank you, very nice of you to say that, especially since I see that you haven't even touched yours yet." I looked down at Jess's plate that indeed was still untouched. I smiled at him at stroke his knee under the table, where no one would notice.

" So, Jess, How is your work coming?" jess swallowed his bite and answered.

" It is going really well. I am the main editor, but the boss is gonna resign soon and I think I might have a good chance to take his position, unless they employ someone from outside, Mr. Gilmore."

" Ah, Jess, I am Richard, we are family now, aren't we?" he asked suspiciously, glancing at the ring on my finger.

I choked on my bread and jess patted me on the back. I locked my eyes with Mom who just shrugged her shoulders.

I took Jess's hand in mine and said.

" Grandpa, Grandma, I'm sorry I haven't told you sooner, but Jess and I are getting married. I really wanted to tell you, especially because you are so great with Tate, but I just thought that maybe you would disapprove this marriage and I was scared, but I love Jess, and we are a family, whether you like it or not. I don´t care that Jess's family doesn't have money, all I care about is that he makes me smile and that he gives me the feeling I am the most important person in the world. There is nothing you can do about it." I had to stop my rant because air was becoming a much needed factor.

Silence.

More silence.

" And then Mr. Potato started to insult me and …" Mom began ranting.

" Lorelai, really, you're giving me a headache." Grandma spat.

" Of ´course, you're getting married. This is great. Congratulations!" Grandpa's words startled me.

" I have to be honest, I didn´t approve of this relationship at the beginning, but I finally realized that Jess would be a permanent person in your life and there is no way I would give you an excuse to exclude us from your life. You are my only grandchild and I want the best for you, I have come to the conclusion that if you think Jess is the one, he is. Welcome in the family, Jess." a sob escaped my mouth as I abruptly jumped up and went to hug my grandpa.

I knew that I didn´t really need his approval, but it was important to me nonetheless. I wouldn´t have blown off the weddings of course, but there would be a thing missing on my wedding day if my grandparents wouldn´t attend.

I looked over to my Grandma and all the optimistic thoughts in my head vanished.

She didn´t approve.

She was sitting in her chair stoically, not moving a muscle, not blinking once. I glanced over to Jess and I could see that he was hurting. My grandma hurt Jess.

I let go off my Grandpa and collected myself.

" Grandpa, we really have to go now, it was nice seeing you again. Thank you, I love you."

With that I gave Jess the sign to leave. He got up and collected Tate from the maid. When he returned Mom and I were already in our coats.

" Mr. Gilmore, I mean Richard, thanks for the dinner, Mrs. Gilmore, thanks again for the invite. It was a blast!" He turned on his heels and went after us.

" Hey, rory, go ahead, I forgot something in the dining room." he handed Tate over to Mom and went back in. I had this funny feeling in my stomach and although I didn´t want to, I went after him, hiding behind a plant. I could see his figure entering the living room once again. He stopped in front of Emily and spoke up.

" I don´t really know why I do this and don´t take it the wrong way, I am not begging here. We don´t need your approval, not a tiny bit, but think about it. Do you want to see your Great-grandchild grow up? Do you want to be there when he has his first day at school? Do you want to be mentioned in his graduation speech? Because if you do, you have a damn weird way of showing it. What is it that makes you hate me so much? Is it the stupid car accident when I was 17? Yes, I was 17 and I still feel bad about it. Is it the black eye that I had when I first met you? I didn´t get into a stupid fight.

You know what I don´t need this, and I don´t need you, but I am doing this for rory, because she needs you. I am doing this for her because I love her, I love her more than anything and although I really shouldn't be telling you this I am, and you wanna know why? Because I want Rory to be happy, and for some strange reason I do not get she also needs you to be happy. " I gasped. My eyes teared up and I couldn't make out his figure anymore, I bit my lip really hard to suppress the sobs that were about to be audible.

Finally Grandma looked up at Jess, for the first time in her life she looked him directly into his eyes. I could see Jess shiver.

" I don´t wanna loose her. " her words were only barely audible.

" What?"

" I lost Lorelai, I don´t wanna loose her as well." Jess didn´t give in.

" Well, you are losing her. The way you acted tonight proved it. And it´s not Rory's doing, she wants you in her life, which inevitably became mine as well. Deal with it." he spun around once again and hurried away. I made it barely to the car before him and when he got in and saw my tear strained face he just took me in his arms and tried to comfort me.

This night I never let go off jess, I held him in a tight embrace, not wanting to loose touch of him.

And when I was sure he was asleep I snuggled even further into his body and told him that I loved him all over again.

The next morning I woke up late, it was Saturday and Jess had taken care of Tate.

I decided to enjoy the comfort of the bed and Jess's smell that still lingered on the sheets a little longer when I was interrupted by the doorbell.

I quickly got dressed and went to open the door.

" A letter for miss Gilmore." the UPS-man said.

" That's me."

" Sign here please and have a nice day."

I shut the door and ripped open the envelope.

_Dear Rory, _

_I want you to be happy! It just took me a while to understand that we have different definitions of what makes you happy, but I think we both agree that being loved, no matter what, makes you happy. I am glad you finally found the one person that makes you feel whole. I have found him 45 years ago._

_Congratulations on your engagement, _

_Love, Grandma._

So ? What do you think ? Good? Bad? I had fun writing Emily, she may be OOC, but well,I tried my best. REVIEW please and I will love you forever…lol


	10. i am scared too!

**I am so so sorry for the delay, but life is going crazy, I have finals coming up and I got accepted in this huge research group, so I practically spend my days studying and reading articles about stuff that has technically yet to be discovered and I am part of that, how cool is that …Lol. **

**Thank you all for your reviews, you guys are the greatest, I love you for that!**

**Enough with the rant, here's the next chapter.**

**Oh yes, I own them, I have Alexis and Milo hidden in my closet and yes I think they are begging me right now to let them out… (They wish) …**

**Jess's POV:**

I was doing my best to ignore the constant sighs that came from the other side of the bed. I knew Rory was doing that on purpose, to get my attention, but I decided to not give in this time. If she wanted to talk to me, then she could just tell me, right? I was staring at the ceiling, silently counting the deep breaths Rory was taking. 8.….9.… in five minutes, if she didn´t stop soon, she'd be starting hyperventilating...

I shifted in my position in order to get more comfortable, but inside of me this huge monster called guilt was slowly starting to make an appearance. Another new and unfamiliar experience for me; while growing up I hadn't known these feelings, guilt, responsibility, care …..love. I had neither cared when I had taken money out of my mother's purse nor when I had shoplifted, well, had I done it anyhow just to be one of the crowd.

While reminiscing about my past I could hear Rory sigh again, but I still tried to ignore it.

I had started smoking when I was 12, I guess at first I had just done it to annoy the hell out of my mother, but slowly, that one cigarette I smoked after dinner ( well, if my mother had been sober enough to prepare it anyhow) turned into a cigarette while watching TV, then a cigarette while reading and before I knew it, I had gotten addicted to the taste, the nicotine, the feeling having something to cling to. Pathetic, that's what it seemed to be now, I actually had been comforted by having my hands occupied. My mother would yell at me, she had even tried to ground me once, when I was 14, but I simply had looked at her, had given her my condescending smirk, telling her silently that she had fucked up, and had left the apartment not without slamming the door behind me. Yes, take that!

For most of the time I had been a jerk andit had taken me years to understand that I couldn't blame my mother for everything that had gone wrong with my life. But wasn't it always easier to look for the blame anywhere but at the right places?

I sighed, turning away from the ceiling, silently cursing under my breath. It was at night when I wouldn´t be able to fall asleep, that these thought kept haunting me, how would I be able to raise a kid when I had stopped being one when I was three years old?

" jess?" Rory's soft voice interrupted my doubts. She rolled over, so that she was now facing me.

She silently stared into my eyes and it took all my will power not to avoid her gaze. Her eyes bore right into mine, but she didn´t say a word. She just lay there on the bed, her bare chest covered by a light yellow blanket, the ends tucked under her armpits, hugging her body perfectly. No words were necessary as we were reading each other with our eyes, gaining access to the other's soul.

I swallowed hard, trying not to let the emotions out of their locked cage inside my body and up to the surface.

I was fighting with my inner demons, as they started to growl inside of me, begging me to set them free.

I had no idea why these feeling, doubts were getting more frequent lately, but I think it may be for the fact that our life was now settled enough to let the processing begin. As I scanned Rory's face I came to the conclusion that I had to do something about it, anything. So, I did the most unfamiliar thing, I spoke my mind:

"I don´t want Tate to start smoking at the age of 12." Random statement, never blinking once.

"I don´t want Tate to think he's not wanted." Her reply. I swallowed and took a deep breath.

" I don´t want Tate to doubt his existence." Her eyes still didn´t betray her as she took in my words.

" I don´t want Tate to feel insecure." She blinked.

"I don´t want Tate to feel homeless." The demons were getting louder and louder as they started to gain power.

"I don´t want Tate to pretend." She broke eye contactas she closed her eyes. I felt cold all of a sudden.

"I don´t want Tate to feel as if he was a disappointment." The growling in my chest started to reach the surface.

" I don´t want him to feel as if he had to prove himself in order to be loved." I knew by her cracking voice that her very own demons were starting a revolution.

" I want him to be happy." A statement all parents would sign.

"I want him to be able to be himself." She trailed off.

I scooped closer to her, my face now only a few inches from hers, I could already smell her, taste her. I closed my eyes as I let the sensations sink in. When I opened my eyes again, I was met by piercing blue ones, her gaze was so intense that it made my mouth dry and my hands sweat. She moved even closer to me until my body was as close to hers as it could get. She left butterfly kisses on my chest, trailing down to my navel, never releasing my hands from her firm grasp. She left burning marks on my upper half as she made her way back up to my collar bones. She leaned forward and bit my neck, softly sucking on it and I was sure she was marking her territory. I tried to roll her over so I could get better access to her body but she wouldn´t let me.

"shush, jess, please, I need this." She whispered before I could object. I was lying lazily on my back and let her explore my body as if it was for the first time. I felt teeth and tongue and lips leaving wet trails on my body. A slow moan escaped my mouth and she looked up and smiled at me, this small, innocent smile that made me go crazy.

She was now straddling me and it was getting more difficult to resist my instincts and take her. She needed this.

When she finally claimed my lips, my breath already came out in short waves, insufficient, but nonetheless the most comforting feeling ever. We kissed hungrily, tongues dueling, both wanted to win this battle of passion.

When we finally connected in this very unique way I could only connect with her, it lasted longer that it had ever before.

After that we were lying in bed, her head on my chest, both covered in the post-coital glow, our breathing in sync, still a bit ecstatic.

As my eyelids started to flicker, I heard her whisper.

" I am scared too."

**So? What do you think? I know there is not a lot happening in this chapter and it´s very short, but I just had the feeling that Jess had been taking everything a tiny bit too simple. Now that they finally are getting married, he becomes aware of this huge step and the responsibility that comes with it. Anyhow, REVIEW PLEASE!**


	11. let´s get started

**Hey, I am back with a new chapter , hopefully you like it, let me know please, since I didn´t get that many reviews for the last chapter, just tell me if you are still reading this.**

**Anyhow, I wanted to thank Deborah for her amazing review, you actually made me write this one and believe it or not I actually wanted to include most of the suggestions you wrote, are you psychic? Anyhow, thank you so much, I really appreciated it and yes you are right, these things happen, sadly, but they do. And yes, although I like reading all these teenage stories, I wanted to make this more grown-up, since I stopped being a teenager some time ago (ah, I feel old…) **

**Still don´t own them:**

**Rory's POV:**

I was standing in front of our full length mirror in the bedroom, examining my body. I only wore my bra and panties, which did not help to cover up the pounds I had gained during my pregnancy. My hips were slightly curvier but I still wondered how Tate made his way through there. I let my eyes travel down my body, taking in every inch of it. My stomach was still flat, but I could notice the stretch marks when I took a really close look as if I was actually forcing me to discover something that would make me doubt myself. I groaned in frustration when I noticed my boobs… they were, what's the right term? Oh yeah, they were big. I frowned at myself in the mirror and had to laugh when I caught the expression of my face. I wrinkled my nose and let out a frustrated groan. I called out to Jess, who was watching TV with Tate on his lap.

"Jess?" I exclaimed and I could hear footsteps approaching. He popped his head into the room and started to laugh.

"Am I interrupting the two of you?" his smirk grew wider as his eyes travelled the same road mine had a minute ago.

"I think you forgot to introduce me to your friend." He walked forward and extended his hand towards the mirror, and then he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Don´t take that the wrong way, but I think she's hot." I slapped him playfully on the chest and sighed.

"So not the time to joke around." He raised an eyebrow at me, trying to read me.

"So, when is the time then? " I pushed him away as he tried to wrap his arms around my waist and sighed again.

"My boobs are big." Jess instantly shut up and looked at me intensely, surprised. Then his face lit up and he beamed a smile at me.

"I don´t see how that is wrong." He said still smirking.

"Out of all things you could have said, this is like the worst thing, Jess." I glared at him, avoiding his eyes though. He flinched and I instantly regretted being so harsh about it, but I am a woman! He took a deep breath.

"so, is this gonna be one of those conversation where you ask me if I thought that you were fat and then I would say no, and you would be accusing me of lying and then I would hesitate and you would start to cry because you'd be implying that I think you are fat and then you wouldn´t talk to me for days, because if that's the case I should probably get into more comfortable clothes since you would slam the door into my face and I would have to sleep on the couch because apparently I wouldn´t be able stand the sight of you." Jess was ranting, he never ranted. I let out a deep breath at the same time as jess and we locked eyes.

" no, I was going to say that I'm gonna look like Pamela Anderson on my wedding day before she got her fake boobs removed, because apparently huge breast sizes have multiple obstacles and are so last summer." I smirked at him despite my insecure feelings.

I turned away from him again and took another close look at the mirror.

"How am I ever gonna find the perfect dress, looking like that, huh?"

I could tell that Jess was concentrating really hard to come up with a reply.

"Perfect dress, huh?" I took a few steps back and let me fall on the soft mattress, lying flat on my back, my legs hanging over the edge, not touching the carpet.

Jess was still staring at me with his dark brown eyes that seemed to have caught the sun light coming through the window, as they appeared to have turned into a light shade of green.

"The perfect dress?" he repeated.

I swallowed.

"My mom and I always talked about the perfect dress, you know the one that makes you look gorgeous, even if you have a bad hair day or if your make up sucks…" I was interrupted by jess.

"I doubt that your mom would let you walk down the aisle with bad make up and.." this time I interrupted him.

"So not the point, jess. The one dress that you wanna wear all the time, the one that makes you feel like a princess, like the most beautiful woman on the world, like the happiest woman in the world, that one dress that you'd buy the instant you see it in the store. The dress that makes you feel save and at the same time sexy and irresistible and.." I swallowed again.

" The one dress that I won´t be able to find because I look like a huge whale." I bit on my lips, trying to suppress the tears that were about to fall, never once locking eyes with Jess as he scanned my face, listening to my rant attentively. Suddenly he pulled me up, dragging me over to the mirror. He stood behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders as if to secure my position. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he leaned forward.

" Close your eyes." He demanded in a whisper. I obliged, curious of where he was leading this.

" I want to show you what I see every time I look at you." His voice was pure sex.

I felt his hands in my hair, playing with the ends of it.

" Your hair makes me wanna play with it all day." He kissed my shoulders softly.

" Can you see these freckles on you shoulder?" he asked and I nodded, my eyes still closed.

" They make me wanna kiss each one of them." I swallowed, Jess was acting so differently; I liked it.

His index finger travelled down my arm to my left hand. He interlaced our fingers.

" There is not one hand I would have liked to place the ring on more." He let go off my hand and traced my collar bones, he stopped at the spot where they nearly met, right above my sternum.

"When you swallow, I can´t take my eyes off of this very place, remember the English patient? The same thing." I swallowed accidentally and I could feel his smirk against my cheek.

He travelled down, resting his index finger between my breasts on the lace of my bra.

" This makes me lose my head and I really should stop imaging it right now, because I have still a trip ahead of me." I smiled at this, leaning my back fully against him, letting him support me. He embraced me from behind, resting his hands on my hipbones.

" When you move, all I can do is watching you." I liked the emotional Jess that came out occasionally.

He laced his hands above my navel, drawing lazy circles on my stomach.

" This is better than any champagne flute ever, tastes better even." I smiled when I remembered what it felt like to have jess drink champagne out of my navel.

" And I don´t even like champagne." He added playfully, while examining my body with his hands. Although this would be called the most sexual thing by many, for me this was beyond it. It was emotion, passion and Jess letting me know that he was there for me, supporting me when I was doubting myself. I had always laughed about people who would talk about looking for their other half, but at this very instant I knew that I had found mine.

I was too distracted by my thoughts that I nearly missed Jess telling me to open my eyes.

I opened them slowly, emotionally tired, but in a good way.

" Look at me." Jess ordered and I locked my eyes with him in the mirror. He was still standing behind me, spooning me, supporting me, not an inch apart.

" You will find the perfect dress, I promise, but even if you don´t .." he trailed off, swallowing hard.

" You'd still be the most beautiful woman on the world for me." I noticed Jess's eyes when he said that and I knew he was being honest, vulnerably so. I grabbed his hands that were still tightly wrapped around my waist and intertwined our fingers and when I said the next words to him, it was like a promise.

" I love you." He just nodded and kissed my neck lightly. He smirked at me said.

" So, now that we have that covered, you're in for pizza?" I let out a chuckle and nodded.

" Always, but I have to call mom first, I promised her that we would get that wedding planning started."

When I was sure that Jess had closed the door behind him, I grabbed the phone and dialled the familiar number.

I could hear someone pick up at the other end and blurted out without waiting for my mother's voice.

" Mom, I have found my other half and I will find the perfect dress, but even if I don´t, I'd still be the most beautiful woman on the world for him." Silence, then someone clearing his throat.

" So, I guess, you wanna talk to your mom?" I made out Luke's voice and suddenly felt embarrassed.

"Oh, hey Luke." He chuckled slightly.

" So, I assume you are happy?" always the father figure for me.

" Yes, I am. I am happy." Before he could respond I heard my mom yelling in the background.

" _Is that Rory? I wanna talk to my offspring, hey, Lukey, give me that phone, if that's Rory of course, I mean if it´s my mom, tell her I am not home and that that voice yelling in the background belongs to your twenty year old mistress."_ I heard Luke groan and then a sound that sounded like a wrestling match. Then my mom was on the line.

" Offspring, how have I missed talking to you." She exclaimed dramatically.

" You talked to me this morning, Mom. Grow up." I laughed at my mom's immature behaviour.

" So, okay, down to business, what's the call for? " I smiled and then again started ranting.

" I found my other half and I will find the perfect dress, but even if I don´t I ´d still be the most beautiful woman on the world for him." I took a deep breath, beaming at myself in the mirror.

" So I assume that you are happy." Like Luke like Lorelai.

She sighed and groaned.

" Oh, I can´t believe that you are getting married before me. My little baby is getting married and I will die as an old spinster." I laughed.

" Mom, you know what the exact definition of a spinster is, right?"

" Man, that Ivy League thing got to you, huh? Don´t take everything literally." I just rolled my eyes and let her continue as I knew my mom would.

" So, I may have been to the bridal shop today." I grinned, let's get the wedding started.

" So, you may have been to the bridal shop, huh?" mom was taking a deep breath at the other end and I knew that I would now be bombarded with her suggestions. I leaned back on the bed and let her rant.

**So, I thought that would be a good place to let that chapter end, please tell me what you think, I really wanna know if I totally suck or not. REVIEW PLEASE. Thanks for taking the time.**


	12. grow a backbone

**Thank you so much for your kind words, you guys seriously rock! **

**Disclaimer: boy, no I don´t own them.**

**A/N: Jess is coming back, oh my, I am intrigued.**

**Jess's POV:**

"I'm sorry, Mr. Mariano, you are making this quite impossible." I groaned as the tailor tried to measure my leg's length. After two hours and he was still measuring my body parts, I was this close to ask him if I should lose my pants so he could measure my manly attachment too.

That guy annoyed the hell out of me and I was doing my best to exactly show him what I was thinking of him. It was one thing that I got dragged into this, but totally another to have an approximately eighty years old bald guy with a beer belly touch me in a totally inappropriate way. I was gonna make sure that Rory would be paying for this.

"Well, you're incredibly …" I was cut off by an annoyed Luke who was standing in the exact same position as me.

"Jess, please, just let the man do his job, the sooner he's finished, the sooner we're gonna be the hell out of here." Amen to that! I smirked at Luke.

"So, Uncle Luke, don´t tell me you do not enjoy her fingers wandering up and down your body." I glanced at the guy's young and female assistant who had to fit Luke's tux.

Luke glared at me and suddenly flinched and jumped back.

"Damnit, you are supposed to just fit the goddamn tux and not sew my leg to it at the same time." Now, that was funny. The girl looked suddenly afraid and close to tears, and Luke seemed to make it only worse for her by mumbling some lame apologies. I started to laugh slightly as the sight in front of me. Luke's expression was priceless and I started to wonder that maybe it was all worth it.

**Flashback**

I was sitting at the kitchen table with Tate on my lap, feeding him his mashed apples, which by the way looked pretty disgusting, when Rory entered the room.

She leaned against the door frame and observed us, sighing.

She then came over and placed a soft kiss on Tate's forehead and stroke my hair.

I smirked.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around? You kissing me and stroking his hair?"

" I have the feeling that have to do a lot more than just kissing you to make up for what I am about to tell you." She sighed and took a seat next to us.

"Huh?" I waited for her to continue. She watched me with an expressionless face and sighed again.

"So, I just got back from my grandmother." Nothing good could result out of this.

"And?" I shifted Tate in my lap since my ass was about to fall asleep any second now. Rory opened her arms to signalize that she wanted to hold Tate. I handed him over to her and leaned back in my seat somehow relieved. I scanned her face; she seemed to be exhausted and troubled.

"Hey, Ror, the suspense is killing me here, what did she do now? " I asked softly, sensing Rory's despair.

" shewantstoplanthewedding." I coughed, suddenly feeling like being hit by a truck, an enormous weight lying on my shoulders.

"I'm sorry? Did you just say what I think you said?" Rory shrugged her shoulders and sighed yet again.

"What do you think I said you think I said? "She placed another spoonful of this unidentified mashed stuff into Tate's mouth.

"Rory!" I tilted my head and said it in a strong determined voice that told her not to mess with me right now.

"Yes." That's all I get?

"And? You told her of course that we have that covered right?...right?" my eyes bore right into hers, begging her practically to confirm this. She took a deep breath and stood up.

" You're not walking out of this argument." I stated, rather harshly.

" So, now we are in an argument?" she said over her shoulder as she left the room.

I walked after her and exclaimed.

" You rather want this to be a fight, because I sure as hell am prepared for one." She placed Tate in his crib, turned around and looked at me.

" God, jess, why are you blowing everything out of proportion?" I am sorry?

" well, since you just got home, telling me something about your grandmother wanting to plan the wedding and then not answering me, I think I have every fucking right to blow this out of proportion, no wait, I think this is all into the right proportions." She looked down defeated.

" I may have chickened out." Her voice was barely above a whisper, guilt obvious in her voice.

" You may have chickened out? You may have chickened out?" I was on the verge of yelling right now. Tate started to cry and Rory looked at me accusingly.

" Now, look what you did!" and the world just stopped spinning around its axis.

" Rory, may I have a word with you in the kitchen?" I asked politely although my tone was laced with anger.

I didn´t wait for her response but stormed off into the kitchen and turned around facing her, my hands on my hip, waiting for her to start talking.

Rory followed me closely and sat down on her formerly deserted chair.

" She was just going on about being part of the wedding and stuff and I just couldn't …." She trailed off, avoiding my eyes.

" You just couldn't what?" I asked somewhat accusingly. When she wouldn´t answer I continued.

" You couldn't be grown up enough to tell her that we didn´t want her to plan our wedding. You couldn't be mature enough to tell her that we have it all covered, that we only want a small wedding!" I was furious now, Rory was a grown woman, an adult and she was still not standing up for herself. Rory was getting smaller and smaller in her seat , now only resembling an insecure little child. I was mad at me for thinking that, but that's what it seemed to be.

" So what? When Tate's gonna be old enough, you're gonna let her decide which school he should attend or which friends he should hang out with? Damnit Rory, grow a fucking backbone." She suddenly jerked up from her seat.

" Don´t you dare fucking yell at me like that, okay?" I was stunned, I have never seen Rory swearing like this, yet alone yelling at me like that. We were now in a full grown fight and it wouldn´t be me to back off now. I stepped a few inches forward.

" What? Rory? Was I wrong? And you know what? You didn´t even ask me. You decided this on your own, oh no, sorry you let your El Duce decide this for you. Despite official belief, this is my wedding, too. And there is no way in hell, I'm gonna let her plan the wedding, our wedding. Flower girls, wearing pink and bridesmaids wearing more pink and you wearing some dress you don´t even like and…" I trailed off, suddenly exhausted. I glided down on the floor, banging my head against the counter.

" This isn't us, Rory, we made fun of weddings like this." I said, my voice now softer, but still full of confusion and slight traces of anger.

" I know this, okay, I know it. Don´t you think I tried to get out of this? I really did." I glanced at her tear strained face, trying not to let it get to me when I said.

" Well, apparently not hard enough then." My voice was sharp, contradicting my feelings.

I got up, left the room and let her time to think.

**Flashback end**

The fight had lasted for about five days. Five days that I slept with her back facing me at night, not wanting to be near me. I knew I had overstepped some boundaries when I had told her all these things and I knew that I had hurt her, but I had been so damn tired of always stepping back and letting other people decide. Even Lorelai had been considerate and tried to call a truce between us, once in her life taking my side, which of course made Rory even sadder. Me for my part, I didn´t need Lorelai in this, I didn´t need Lorelai to take sides.

On the fifth day of our fight, Rory had broken down, telling me that I had been right but that I shouldn't have yelled at her like this. We decided that Emily would be part of the wedding but that all major decisions would be made by us. I knew that Rory would be in trouble for this, but she was telling me all over again, that once in her life she wouldn´t let Emily win. I knew that she loved her grandmother more than anything but at the same time she knew that she wouldn´t be happy having the wedding Emily-style. In the following days there was a lot of fighting and angry phone calls from Emily, but Rory stayed tough, determined to plan her own wedding with only slight influences from Emily. Unfortunately for me, these slight influences included the tuxedos for the groom and his best man, i.e. Luke and me. And now, while this freaking guy was enjoying his duty way too much for my taste I regretted agreeing.

"Is it just me or am I looking like a waiter?" Luke interrupted my thoughts. He was standing in front of the mirror, looking skeptically at his refection, shaking his head. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt.

" You know what ? I think this is a perfect " and then we can hold hands and skip afterwards" -moment, don´t you think?" I smirked at him while he nodded.

" And beer it is afterwards!" he stated and went to change.

With a relieved greeting and a fake " come again soon" we were finally released to meet the girls in the diner.

Lorelai and Rory who had been shopping as well, already awaited us in the diner, chatting happily, drinking coffee and entertaining Tate who seemed to be very pleased with the attention he was getting.

The bell above the door announced our arrival and before I knew what was happening, Lorelai started ranting.

"Jess, you should have seen her, she looked amazing gorgeous, stunning." I looked over to where Rory was sitting and she was beaming, covered in an unidentifiable glow. I smirked and went over to her. I leaned down, whispering in her ear.

" So you found it, huh?" Rory shivered as my breath tickled her neck.

She just nodded, leaning her forehead against my chest, breathing in my scent.

When she looked up again, her eyes were glistering with tears, happy tears.

" Yeah, I found it, the perfect dress." Her content, happy voice reflected mine when I told her.

" I can´t wait to see it." She smiled at me and added.

" It´s as anti-Romanov as it gets." I returned the smile, an honest one.

" One month left!" she wrapped her arms around me and snuggled into my chest and mumbled something that sounded extremely like:

"I can´t wait!"

"So, you're ready for this?" Luke was sitting in front of me, holding a bottle of beer. I shrugged.

"I didn´t know that drinking a beer would lead to actual talking." I leaned back in my seat and smirked at Luke and at his attempt to converse.

" you know, since I am with Lorelai and… you know how I've known Rory practically all her life, I don´t know if I should be giving you this whole " hurt her and you die" speech because it seems to be wrong since you're , I mean …" he trailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable. I instantly sobered up, suddenly understanding what he was getting at. I nodded,

" Hmm, you know I wouldn´t hurt her, at least not willingly." Luke stared at me for some time, making me feel awkward and edgy. He took a last sip of his beer and got up to get a fresh bottle.

His back was facing me, while he opened the fridge in his old apartment that somehow was his escape when he wanted to be alone.

" You know" his voice broke the silence that had settled around us.

" Maybe I should give her that speech since you are, well you know, my nephew." The word "son" was hanging in the air and we both knew that that was the exact word he actually intended to say. I let out a semi drunk breath and shook my bottle, listening to the sound the liquid made as it splashed against the glass.

" You know, I'm pretty sure that we will hurt each other, not intended, but these things happen but at the same time I also know that we will make up." I could hear Luke chuckle slightly.

" It´s weird. You are that is. Talking about hurting each other, all grown up and mature. It actually freaks me out. Big time." He suddenly turned around and scanned my face.

" You're grown up." He exclaimed, somewhat proud deep down.

I swallowed, ready to get over my pride.

" I wouldn´t be here if it wasn't for you. I wouldn´t be getting married to Rory if it wasn't for you."

" Well, you wouldn´t have met her if it wasn't for me, I know this." I shook my head, how could he be so oblivious of what I wanted to tell him.

" That's not what I meant." Luke adjusted his cap, finally getting it.

"Oh!" I laughed.

"Yeah, oh and if you let that slip, I will have to kill you, understand?" Luke laughed and said.

" I'm gonna put that on my coffee- to- go- cups." I leaned back in my seat and glared at him.

" And he wonders why I never tell him things." We locked eyes for about a second then looked away all of a sudden, reaching a silent understanding.

**I don´t know what to think about that chapter, but I wanted to post it so badly because I knew that I would just screw it up even more when I would try to fix it. So please review and let me know what you think and if we're on the same side about not being satisfied with this chapter, well anyhow, nonetheless please stay with me, I promise it will get better again ….. Review, thanks!**


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